Wednesday, 27 June 2007

I Love Birthdays Me!!!

I love birthdays! I figure you only get one a year so why not make the most of being the centre of attention for a whole day!

So this year was no different. I celebrated mine like it was an Indian wedding (minus the elephants and outfits covered in money!!!). My birthday was on the Thursday and I finished celebrating on the Sunday - I think I'll need a new liver by the time the next birthday comes round but what can I say. I had a fantastic time so it was worth the sharp pains in my side i've been experiencing ever since!

So the main celebration was the Saturday. I had all my 'bestest' friends come over for a pre-town gathering and then hit the bars! People started to arrive at about 6pm - by which time I'd already consumed a few beverages, of an alcoholic nature, and was well on my way to feeling slightly merry. Once everyone arrived it was pressie time - my favourite part. I was bought some amazing gifts and squeeled like a little kid at christmas as I was opening them as my mum stood over tutting and shaking her head "you'd think she'd have grown out of all this by now"!!!

So we all looked glam, there was big hair, glittery outfits and even false eyelashes (people must have thought I had a nervous twitch but really I was trying to look seductive as I fluttered!). One of the girls looked particularly 'chesty' and after a few drinks she admitted she had socks down her bra! Brilliant!

As soon as we arrived in town the shots began (and by that I mean alcohol shots - we weren't in the murder capital!) so the burning sensation could only be rectified by another drink so before long I was talking very loudly and announcing at timely intervals that "I KNOW i'm drrrunk BUT i bloooody love you guys"

Next bar and it all started to get a bit like a swedish soft porn film - each person in turn had to do they're best cleavage shot (including the boys) and onlookers were starting to point and whisper - my mum would have been so proud! We were getting louder and louder and our jokes were getting ruder and ruder, the gang was in full swing!

So onto the next venue and it was salsa time "clear some space everyone, I'm going to show you my dance moves" and without a dance floor in sight I spun and sashayed and wiggled my hips like I was in the Blackpool ballroom! I counted I had 9 bruises on me the next day so I'll let you decide for yourself how good my salsa was!!!

By this time everyone was showing the signs of alcohol excesses and we were well oiled machines! I found i'd lost my purse so went on a frantic drunken search only to find I'd given it to my sister to buy a round of drinks ten minutes previous! I lost my house key but thought it was absolutely fine once I found another on the dance floor and decided that as long as I had a key, it didn't matter whose door it was for. Strangely enough the key actually belonged to my pal which was a stroke of luck (for him not for me) so the poor bloke has been too scared to go to sleep of an evening in case I let myself into his house whilst he's sleeping and do rude things to him!!!!!!

We filled the dancefloor (more salsa from me), we drank lots more, we took loads of photos I wouldn't want my mum to see and one by one my friends were disappearing to throw up. After a crowd of about 17, there were 2 standing by the end - although my co-ordination has stopped working and I'd managed to stand on my mates foot and left a stiletto mark in it - poor girl has been wearing flat shoes ever since until the swelling goes down and her foot returns to a normal pink colour rather than the blue, yellow and purple it resembles now.

We finally decided it was time for home when I started talking to an ex boyfriend - after a million drinks its never a good decision. The last thing I remember was my pal taking me by the arm and saying "come on Polly, its time to get you home".

Once back at my Ivory Towers I forgot which flat I lived in so decided to press all the intercom buttons (i'm still waiting for the dog poo through my letterbox!). We finally made it upstairs to find bodies everywhere (not dead ones luckily but also not conscious!). There was broken glass all over the floor where one of the girls had tried to smoke something illegal out of the window and knocked a vase over and another girls snoring was echoing round the block!!! I'd threatened to make her sleep in the car but she'd snook into the spare room!

I eventually crawled into bed and curled up next to my pal and I was out the minute my head hit the pillow. When I woke up a few hours later I thought someone had tried to beat me up - i've had some hangovers in my time but oh my lord, this was a bad un. The flat looked and smelt like the zoo with all our sweaty bodies in one small area and we all looked grim - and a little green.

No matter how bad the hangover though, I had an incredible night. Next year for my birthday can someone please buy me a new liver.....or a 5 night stint in a rehab centre???

Much love xxxxx

Birthday

Monday, 28 May 2007

Can you change your type?

Men are a funny thing - well actually so are woman at times - but I've been pondering on the whole dynamics of meeting that ideal chappy (if there is such a thing!).

Dating is a funny game, you meet with a stranger, talk about your life story and then argue over who pays the bill. Then there's the whole arranging a next date or having to avoid the subject if you don't want a repeat, and then the goodnight kiss -urgh, awful! Then you either wait for them to call - or pray for them not to if your not interested! Its no wonder there's so many books written about it!

Actually getting a date in the first place can be quite tricky, I've become a bit picky it would seem in my late twenties. After quite a number of dates since I've been single I'm starting to lose faith - the guys who ask me out are never the ones I'm interested in, don't get me wrong, some of them are lovely guys but they don't tend to tick the right boxes for me- and of course as sods law would have it, the ones that you do want to ask you don't!!!

Now I do have a type, I didn't think I did until I realised that all the men I seem to go for look scarily alike! I was quite alarmed when I realised this - I've always gone for the pretty boy type but unfortunately those pretty boys tend to have egos the size of Norway (or somewhere else that's pretty big!!!!). It got me thinking that maybe I should change my type - and is that possible?

I'm starting to sway towards the idea of a big rugged MANLY man, someone who'll pick me up and carry me home after too many wine spritzers, then put up a few shelves and re-hinge the bathroom door before bed! I want a man who'll go to play rugby on a Sunday morning and then return home to cook me up a roast dinner and top up my wine glass as soon as is half empty - not swig his Fosters can, burp loudly and then scratch his arse like so many men!

But where do you meet such a man? I don't imagine they hang around in the cocktail bars me and my friends frequent to drinking Mojitos and commenting on the decor! They're more than likely rustling up a BBQ (that they built themselves) or in B&Q buying new power tools and drill bits!

From now on I'm on the look out for a proper man - one who makes me feel ladylike and dainty and what you see is what you get. No more men who straighten their hair and go to tantastic every weekend, not someone who's idea of a top weekend is to see how much he can drink before he throws up and is intent on seeing how many girls he can snog for the sake of it - come on boys, its not just the ladies who need to show a bit of class from time to time!

So next time I'm in B&Q buying my anti freeze - the only thing I can think I would possibly go in there for, I might pay a little more attention..... would skinny jeans and kitten heels look totally inappropriate in there????

Sunday, 13 May 2007

My friends....I'd be nothing without them!

I've been thinking alot recently about friendships and the people in my life. When my last relationship ended I really thought I'd never get over it and the gap in my life would be too large to fill but I've really surprised myself in the last few months.

Its true that in testing times you really do discover who your true friends are and recently I've realised how damn lucky I am and that without these friends in my life, I really don't know how I'd have coped.

My friends are the most important part of my life and I do love them whole heartedly. When I'm feeling down they pick me up, when I want a good night out they're ready and raring to go, if I need a good talking to they'll give it to me straight, and if I've had a fashion crisis they'll say "oh lady no"!!!!

So although break ups are hard and its been a bumpy ride, I've also had some amazing times, some of my best in years in fact! I'm in no hurry to get into a relationship, I'm not sure where I'd find the time and I'm not giving up my girly nights out for anyone. So sure, we do spend much of our time slagging off men, joking about recent bad dates (and sometimes good dates!), or even men we've met that seemed to be just lovely and keen but turned out to be complete weirdos - girls take note, never go on a date with a footballer!!! - but ultimately we have a fantastic time. We know each another so well and we never have a bad time together.

So me and one of the girls were talking the other day, we're both single and have been through a lot together recently and we realised something. Why do we chase the idea of meeting a man when our lives are so full anyway right now? Why does the notion of 'soul mate' have to apply to a boyfriend? Why have we been instilled to think that meeting a man will complete our lives? I have everything I need without one. We tell each other how fabulous we are all the time, we confide in each other about everything, we're in contact everyday and know exactly what is going on in each others lives, and we tell each other we love them on a regular basis. When I think about my friends I smile, I look forward to seeing them, even if its only been a few days, I feel totally relaxed and at ease in their company and I know I can get through anything life throws at me with them in my life.

So yes, this is a slightly sentimental posting but its something that is very close to my heart. I recently went to a training session with work and as an introduction exercise we had to choose from a pile of pictures and postcards one which appealed to us and represented us in some way. I chose one that was covered in lips - all in different chatty expressions. You then had to present to the group about why it represented you and they had to monitor your body language and analyse the words you use. I spoke about being a chatterbox and how communication was of huge importance to me, I spoke about my friends and my family and what made me tick. When they gave me the feedback it was a real eye opener. Apparently when I spoke about my friends I used the words 'fabulous', 'incredible', 'absolutely' and 'fantastic' and I put my hands on my heart and often put my hands in a prayer position (and I never pray!). I was told I spoke passionately and honestly and I wish my friends had been there to see it!!!!

So really the moral to this story is, never neglect your friends. Men (and women) will come and go but your friends are always there and they help shape us all. Mine are the true loves of my life and they are so important to me. So away with the notion of soul mates only being in partners, here's to friends being the new soul mates, men can be used for occasional dating and the obvious, friends are for everything else.

I love you.................you are all totally fabulous!

friends

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

Another boozy night out!

So another Bank Holiday weekend over and, dear lord, I think I better start looking into liver replacements coz this one can't have many years left in it!!!!

Saturday night we went out to celebrate a mates birthday, we knew it'd be a drunken affair....it always is when us lot get together! So we start the night in a classy bar, sober and respectable! The next thing, my mate pulls out a miniature bottle of whiskey from her handbag and pours it into her (already large) glass of whiskey! Her bag had seemed heavy - and it explains the clunking noise that was coming from her on the way to the bar!

"Well it costs a bloody arm and a leg in here....I thought I'd bring my own"

After deciding that some cheap drinks were in order we battled over to the cheapest bar in town.... so we stuck to the carpet a bit and there was vomit by the fruit machine...who cares, with triples for £3 its a result!!!!

So the alcohol was flowing and the conversations and laughter got louder and louder, the birthday boys eyes were getting glassy and the sugar from the alcohol shots were giving everyone an E number frenzy!!! The night was in full swing!

So we moved on to a cocktail bar - now I make that sound posh but really all we wanted was cheap Sex on the Beach (Ooeer!) and some Tequila Sunrise so where better than Cucamara...if you want to get drunk, that's your place! We'd only been in there 5 minutes when one of our party threw up all over the floor! As he turned to us to finish his drink and wipe his mouth some poor unsuspecting bloke skidded in the whole lot....we shouldn't laugh, but oh we did!!!! I knew I shouldn't have bought him that last WKD!

Now anyone that's been on a night out with us nutty lot will know that as far as conversations go on our nights out, nothing is out of bounds, so when one of the ladies started talking about transvestite porn I think a few of the less regulars got confused and a little disgusted....poor girl suddenly found herself stood alone with people whispering and pointing in her direction. They failed to hear the beginning of the conversation, she was merely talking about an email someone had one sent her that got her in heaps of trouble- but bless, she was branded as a weird sex fiend for the rest of the evening! And don't get me started on the cleavage obsession that then started!

So as the night went on it became clear that birthday boy was VERY DRUNK - he gave it away by announcing every 3 minutes that;

"I'm veeeeerry drrrrunk, have I told you all I love you and that I'm veeeerry drruuunnk"

So what to do but go for a 2am curry!

As 10 of us piled into the local curry house you could see the faces of the waiters fall - 'bloody hell, I'll never get home now with this lot'. Birthday boy ordered 2 beers (both for himself - one which we had to confiscate!) and everyone concentrated hard on the menus - probably because the alcohol had made our eye sights a little hazy and everything appeared to be printed in double and italics!

We attacked the food like it was our last meal but low and behold the birthday boy ended up with his head in his plate fast asleep - but would occasionally wake up to say;

"waiter can I have another beer.....I'm veerrryyy drrruuuunnk"!!!

So we ordered taxis and eventually, to the sigh of relief by the waiters, made our way home.

As we said our goodbyes we asked the birthday boy, who was now being held up by his exasperated fiancee (bless ya honey), if he'd had a good night

"Oh yes.....

..........................but i'm veeeerrrrryyyyy druuunnnkk"!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Thursday, 26 April 2007

In at the deep end!

So after a rather long road of job hunting...I finally got offered a new role!!!

After a few weeks off - and many lovely lie ins - I embarked on a new journey on Monday - and boy do I have lots to learn!!!

I woke on Monday and put on my freshly pressed suit - after working in a company that operated a casual dress policy I felt a bit like I was putting on my new school uniform (no comments boys) ready to go to big school. Will the big kids like me? Will they steal my lunch money or make me undergo some weird initiative training to test me? Luckily none of the above occured but I was so nervous as I walked into my new office for the first time. I had to do the usual introductions;

"Hello, I'm Polly Tronic and I'm an alcoholic"

Oops, wrong meeting!!!!

Anyway, the rest of the week has passed in a blur - I've gone "HUH" alot and stared blankly at lots of people. I've said "I'm sorry, can you just run through that again" quite a lot and I've come home most evenings thinking 'oh dear lord, what have I done' but on a whole all is going well and despite the above, I'm feeling positive!

But it dawned on me...how long in a new role do you have to be on your best behaviour for? A week? A month? The whole duration of your employment? Anyone who has ever worked with me (and you all know who you are because the majority of you are now close friends, drinking partners, confidants and general all round rocks) knows that I'm pretty much the same in and out of work - although a little more responsible and occasionally sensible in the office...sometimes!

I've always been ambitious, always wanted the best I can get and wanted to offer the best I can but over the last 6 months I kind of lost my way. I was in a job that wasn't inspiring me, I let a few personal issues cloud my efficiency and I was basically bored. My work was no longer stimulating and it posed no challenge so to be faced with this incredibly steep learning curve is actually a huge positive in my life. I miss the people I worked with of course - some much more than others - and I miss my 'celebrity gossip' mate - who has also been my shoulder to cry on, moan on,laugh on, bitch on......etc etc but I'm hoping I'll find that in my new place - I'm a strong believer in building strong working relationships - work has to be enjoyable and fun as well as productive!!! Its true that you spent more time at work than you do with your friends, family or other halves - you just don't have to wash your colleagues socks or remind them to put the bin out!

So I need to join the tea rota, I must remember who takes it decaf, no sugar - who takes the full fat with 3 sugars and who just drinks tea and coffee every 20 minutes so needs their drip feeding every time you walk past the kettle - like I said, so much to learn!

'Workin' 9 to 5,
What a way to make a livin'
Barely gettin' by
It's all takin' and no givin'
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
It's enough to drive you crazy
If you let it
9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that I
Would deserve a fat promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss won't seem to let me
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me'


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Friday, 13 April 2007

Me, Me, Me!!!!

Well I do apologise for not having written for well over a week - I've been having an E number frenzy since lent finished on Easter Sunday!!!!

Actually, I've not JUST been sat stuffing my face with Haribos and mini eggs (although I admit a large portion of this week has been dedicated to just that!), I've also started 'Operation Job Hunt'. I've been attending interviews and searching the job sites for the elusive perfect job and so far its looking good.

Now most people get incredibly stressed about interviews, they can't sleep the night before, they get the shakes through nerves and they can't string a sentence together, and although I understand that it can be a nervous experience, the only thing I've gotten that worked up about was my driving test (all 3 of them) - and that's just because I was a terrible driver! Interviews however don't faze me in the slightest, in fact if I'm totally honest, I quite enjoy them, after all I get to talk about my favourite subject................ME!

There's not a single question anyone could ask me about myself that I wouldn't know - and since I'm a natural chatterbox that often struggles to actually STOP talking, I quite relish the experience. I'll always remember my interview for university when my course leader said

"You'll make a great student here.....as long as we can shut you up for long enough"

What a cheek!

Now imagine my shock when I was called to an interview and I found out that it was going to be a group interview - and it was going to last for 5 hours!!!! Even I can't talk about myself for 5 whole hours - well I probably could but even I need to take a breathe from time to time!

So I arrive at the interview venue nice and early so I can suss out the competition. Nothing to be too frightened about but certainly some strong contenders - and to be honest, I got on with them all which makes it harder when your all fighting for the same thing!!! We got handed a timetable for the day and at that point I actually experienced nerves. It was like being back at school - spelling and grammar tests, psychometric testing, preparing proposals and doing presentations! There was a moment when I thought 'its not too late to run to the toilet and escape out of the window' but I thought 'what the hell, lets just get on with this'.

As it happened it wasn't as daunting as I thought it'd be and they threw in a free dinner so I was happy! And luckily I got called back to the next stage - a normal interview where I can talk about myself to my hearts content!!!

"So Polly, tell us about yourself.............."

"Well, where do I begin................."!!!!

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Monday, 26 March 2007

The Forty Days of Lent!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in any previous blogs - I know I ramble on a bit at times - but I'm on lent at the moment - no sweets or chocolate from pancake day to Easter Sunday, its hell!

Now I don't do it for religious reasons, its not to repent for my sins or to feel deprived - its purely because I have a serious Haribo and Malteser problem!

Actually I've done lent since I was a little girl, probably since I was 6 or 7. It was a tradition I did with my Grandma and have continued it in her absense ever since, keep the memory alive and do it for her. I've never cheated, I have been tempted many a time but have always managed to put the lid back on the sweetie jar and walk away!

By this time though I start to find it hard, less than 2 weeks to go and the Easter Eggs are everywhere, I can practically smell them the minute I walk into the supermarket and don't even get me started on the pick n mix in Woolworths - I dream about it most nights - Brad Pitt move over, I'm thinking cola bottles and liquorice allsorts, fruit pastilles and wine gums, chocolate fudge cake and box after box of Celebrations!!!! The adverts on the telly are pretty bad too - I've started to avoid the adverts just before and after Corrie - you know the really annoying ones with 'Trudy'?!? I don't even like dark chocolate but when she bites into that Dark Flake I find myself salivating just a little! Its a good job I live alone!!!

The worst thing is people think they can make you cheat - they sit and eat a Mars Bar in front of you and do the;

"Hmmmmmm, this is lovely............would you like a bite....go on, you know you want to.....just a little bite...no one will know"

Its just not funny - why would you want to encourage someone to fail? I'm stronger than them anyway, I can guarantee I won't break - I have that dream to look forward to every night - and come Easter Sunday that dream will be reality- that chocolate egg is going to taste like the best egg ever. All my friends and family will see for a whole day is me surrounded by sweet wrappers with chocolate round my mouth - like a big kid.

13 days and counting...................

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Thursday, 22 March 2007

Payday Blues!!!!

God how awful is the last week before payday?!

My fridge is empty and my evening meals are getting more and more boring with the remains of whats left - ham and houmous sandwich last night (think the houmous was a little past its best too but never mind) and I think alphabet spaghetti this evening - left over from a somewhat jovial shopping trip - probably on my way back from the pub!!!!

I, like so many, live for payday - life seems easier, my mood is brighter and I feel more positive! I don't like to budget at the best of times but when your skint and waiting to get paid its even more depressing having to plan what you have left - which means no fun stuff - no nipping to the supermarket on the way home after a bad day to buy a posh tea and your favourite bottle of vino - no treating yourself to those fabulous shoes you saw last week to cheer yourself up - and no long evenings in the pub drinking a nice Merlot - its half a lager and lime that tastes like its been poured straight from the drip tray and a packet of dry roasted - if I'm lucky!

Now I have very little self control at the best of times so when my lovely friend asked if I fancied going for a cheeky glass of wine and a spot of lunch today (even though we do it ever Friday lunch as well), I just found I couldn't resist. After a long and boring morning at work, some lunch, wine and girlie conversation was just what i needed - and although I knew I couldn't afford it I thought 'what the hell' - and what a lovely lunch it was too. So I walked (and stumbled a little - hiccup) back to the office feeling a bit guilty - it dawned on me that if I wasn't so quick to spend all my money as soon as I got paid I'd have enough to see me through the month and wouldn't have that last week of payday blues! Seems so simple but I know next month I'll do exactly the same.

But my friends are in the same position - we're all as bad as each other - in fact when one of the girls realised she'd ran out of gin last night and she'd had a bad day, she opted for opening that bottle of babycham that had been in her fridge for god knows how long - you see, payday desperation!

So this weekend will be interesting, if I get desperate there's always the half bottle of cooking wine left over from a casserole, a bottle of tequila I've had for about 9 years, or the Cherry Lambrini I bought last summer - must have been the week before payday!

Party at mine anyone?

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Tuesday, 20 March 2007

The Internet Generation!

I've decided to join the realms of Internet users out there and get installed at home.

I know its hard to believe I don't already have it what with my blog, myspace, facebook, etc but its something I've never got round to - but it getting difficult fitting everything into my lunch hour (OK, well maybe I play sometimes when I should be working but we'll keep that between ourselves OK!).

Now I think I'm a fairly intelligent young woman. I can programme my video and set the timer on my boiler all by myself so I'm pretty technologically minded!!! I've always been pretty good with computers so I thought getting something as simple as broadband fitted would be a piece of cake - wrong!

So I contacted my mate who owns a computer business and asked for his advice. The conversation went like this;

Polly:
"I want the Internet at home but I've not got a phone line installed - can I do it without one? Can I get one of those wireless thingy-me-jobbies"?

Ted:
"Of course you can have the Internet without a phone line, just ask a fairy to sprinkle some magic dust over your computer and you'll be set up. In other words Polly, GET A FRIKIN PHONE LINE"

That told me then! Looking back I didn't really think my question through did I?

So I started ringing round to get a phone line installed - BT seemed the first choice but as I was halfway through the conversation the phone line died and I was cut off - pretty poor to say I was talking to one of the UKs largest telecoms providers! Might go elsewhere! Then there's the actual Internet itself - its all 'mega bites this' and 'gigabytes that' and download speeds and usage and blah, blah, blah! I just want to write my blog and talk to my friends online - is that too much to ask???

So in the meantime my computer is sat looking lonely in the spare room with me giving it daily reassurance that one day soon I will at least switch it on!

I better go and ring BT again................it could take me all day to get through............and then get cut off again!

Don't you just love technology? We've come along way since the invention of the wheel!!!!

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Monday, 19 March 2007

I Love my Mum!!!

Oh dear, have just realised its been nearly 2 weeks since my last post - I'd like to say its because I've been crazy busy and simply haven't had time but in fact, I just kept forgetting!!!!!

Anyway, I'm back now so that's the main thing!

So, did you all spoil your Mums yesterday? I hope so! I cooked an excellent roast dinner - if I do say so myself - and a good time seemed to be had by all. As usual I cooked for about 8 people when in fact there were just the 4 of us and I did what I've been telling my mum off for doing for years

"..Is every ones warm enough.."

"....Can I get anyone more gravy...carrots....yorkshire puddings...."

"oh I apologise if the potatoes are a bit crispy, I left them in the oven for 10 minutes too long..."

You know the kind of thing - fussing!!!!

I have to say, although I'm not a great cook, I'm certainly getting better and more confident the more I try and those who have eaten in my kitchen have lived to tell the tale so that's always a good sign!

My Mum seemed to enjoy herself - I wanted to make sure she was pampered and didn't have to lift a finger - and of course the half bottle of rose she had certainly helped too!!!! My sister had driven up from Banbury to surprise her which was lovely and we all enjoyed spending some time together, all 4 of us - it doesn't happen very often!

So, as the night drew on, me and my dad did our usual trick of drinking every drop of red wine in sight so now, once again, I'm feeling a little hungover. I dread to think how my mum is - she only has to sniff a shandy and she's bedridden for the day!

But on a sentimental note, we should be pampering our Mums (and Dads) everyday, not just wait for a silly commercialised day to say thank you and let them know they're appreciated. My Mum, over the years, has gone from being the person I used to fight with like cat and dog, to my friend. The relationship between Mother and daughter is a very special one and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful woman as my Mum. We enjoy shopping trips together, we enjoy going to the theatre, we go out for nice lunches and I can't let many days pass without at least speaking to her on the phone. She's there for me when I need her and is always a shoulder to cry on, or even give me a reality check when I'm being ridiculous or my 'drama queen' status gets out of hand.

So remember, parents are for life....not just there to buy you presents at Christmas!!!

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Monday, 5 March 2007

A Killer Evening!

So I have to tell you about Sunday evening. I went to see The Killers and I was lucky enough to watch them from one of the private boxes at the Arena. It was amazing!!!!!

Now I've discussed previously about my 'disadvantage' when I normally go to see bands, I'm only 5'4 so I spend the whole time on tip toes or jumping up and down just so I can catch a glimpse of the band. This time it was totally different, we had a perfect view of the stage, we could sit down, we could stand up - we even had a fridge in the corner packed full of beer - which we took full advantage of!!!

The Killers were amazing, definitely one of the best concerts I've been to, and I've been to a lot over the years!!!! We sung our hearts out, we danced - I screamed a lot and was informed by my mate that I definitely need to work on my 'whoop'. Its too girly, needs to be brought down an octave or two apparently!!!!

Seeing a band from a box is totally different, whereas I appreciate the atmosphere is amazing when your in the thick of it at the front, my crowd surfing days are well and truly over and I enjoyed being able to relax and enjoy the show rather than being pushed all over the place and getting soaked. God I sound old!!!!

So Monday at work was pretty much a write off - I spent most of the day with my head down the loo with a hangover and had lost my voice due to singing all night. Even a bacon and sausage sandwich couldn't sort me out so I knew I must have been bad!

Very rock n roll!!!!! I can't wait for the next time!

..............he doesn't look a thing like jesus...........!!!!

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Tuesday, 27 February 2007

The Rowdy Crew!

So this weekend me and the girls headed off down south for our friends engagement party. The sat nav was set, the car packed full and the Girls Aloud CD was playing.

Despite a car of 4 girls, we got to our friends house in one piece and without any dramas, in fact the most difficult part of the whole journey was working out how to unpack our bags from the car!!!

Since it was a weekend of merriment and celebration it seemed only natural to start drinking pretty much straight away. I'd been out the night before so I think I just topped myself up! Before long the alcohol started to take effect. We got louder, we got ruder and we got cheekier!

So the party was pretty tame when we arrived and everyone seemed sober (apart from us). We'd only been there for about 30 minutes when one of the girls took the chicken fillet from her bra and started passing it around the table, we thought it was hilarious but by the looks on the faces of the other guests around the table I got the impression they weren't so amused!!!!!

As the night progressed we got rowdier and rowdier - we took lots of pictures of our boobs and cleavages, we drew pictures all over the table cloth, we abused the DJ who was a chain smoking country and western fan who subjected us to songs like Cotton Eyed Joe all night. We took over his dance floor, badly at times - especially when one of the girls couldn't do the Macerena so put the YMCA moves to it instead! We laughed loudly, swore loudly and had a bloody brilliant night. We'd all looked so classy and fabulous when we arrived at the party but we were all going home looking a little dishevelled, and thanks to a food fight at the end of the night, a few of the girls went home with half the buffet down their cleavages and in their hair! We stole the balloon settings from the centres of the tables and then had to try and get in a taxi with them, we got to our friend's apartment and realised we didn't have a key so progressed to push every intercom button (must remember to tell my mate to apologise to her neighbours!). Of course you try to be quiet, you do the "SHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh" putting a finger to your lips like its going to help but you actually end up making more noise doing that than having a full on conversation! Oh how alcohol deludes us!

So all 9 or 10 of us make our way into the 2 bedroomed flat and on goes computer games. Eventually we all fell asleep curled up on the floor until 5am the next morning. Our mates younger cousin had been sick - like projectile and it was everywhere. The flat is brand new so obviously the mop, bucket and bleach were brought out for the clean up operation. We managed to fall back to sleep and left our friend to it but then shortly after I was woken by an almighty noise, what could it be - a nearby freight train? a digger starting work outside? an earthquake? NO - it was my mates snoring! You've never heard anything like it in your life - I ended up sleeping in the hall way by the front door and our abandoned shoes! She also managed to get her foot caught in her PJ bottoms and fell over revealing her bare arse to us all. Its a good job none of us embarrass easily!

We weren't quite so rowdy the following day - hangovers were all too present...........nothing that a couple of bacon sandwiches couldn't sort out though.

Maybe I'll detox for a day or two..............

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Tuesday, 20 February 2007

Women Drivers!

So, you remember the new car I bought just a few weeks ago?

I bashed it at the weekend!!!

No one was hurt, no one else was involved - just me, the Venga Bus and a couple of bollards that got in my way!!!

I still don't know how I did it or - or how I was so stupid. I'd only nipped to the Co-op for a pint of milk - I wish I hadn't bothered. I reversed out of my spot, heard an almighty scraping noise and instantly got that sick feeling of dread in my stomach. I didn't want to look at first and I could see some old dear just pointing to the area I'd hit and I knew it wasn't good - I don't know if the woman was senile or just damn cruel but I wanted to knock her false teeth out when she started laughing. Maybe the sight of me stood swearing like a trucker and crying was a funny sight but I was devastated.

I got back in the car and steadily drove home. I parked it where no one could see the car and suddenly realised that all the novelty had gone - I didn't want the car anymore - it was trash to me now!!!

I went upstairs and did what any grown up woman would do...............I rang my mum for a good cry! Bless her, she was lovely - she's bashed a few cars (mostly my Dads)in her time - one particular memorable time being when she left the handbrake off my Dads car and it ended up rolling down the drive and into the garage. I was trying to watch Brookside at the time and it didn't half make a racket. There were plenty of tears too!!! The garage door handle left a really nice indentation in the back of my Dads Toyota!!!!

Anyway, once she'd calmed me down I went back outside to assess the damage - it wasn't quite as bad as I'd first thought. There was paint from the bollards all over the car which made it look worse but once I'd rubbed it down it didn't look so bad - well not if you squint and tilt your head to the left a bit.

But its just a car, she'll be back to new in no time once she's had a minor bit of work done (a bit of Botox for the car!).

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Thursday, 15 February 2007

Valentines Day Blues

Does any single person like Valentines Day? Do many 'couples' actually like it for that matter?

Why do we have to have a specific day allocated to showing love for your other half? Surely if you're in a relationship you should tell the person your with how you feel every day? And if you fancy someone does it really take an anonymous pink and red card to get it started? How do we manage the rest of the year?

So we all established years ago that Valentines Day is a commercial money making scheme - and a very successful one at that. The florists, the restaurants, the card shops, the chocolate makers (the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker..) they all make a fortune from it.

But done badly or...god forbid...forgotten, and it could be curtains for some relationships. Many men just forget - or think its a waste of time and money. You can't blame them in some ways but every couple is bullied into doing something 'special'. Now when I'm in a relationship I love Valentines Day. Last year me and 'the ex' couldn't get into a restaurant so he cooked for me. It was actually far nicer to have a cosy meal and curl in front of the telly exchanging a few daft gifts (or Armani cuff links as I stupidly bought - god the money you waste!) and drinking wine (one of my favourite past times). I don't fancy sitting in a restaurant trying to outdo the couple next to you or watch people showing very public displays of affection.

So I move onto Valentines Day as a single gal. It sucked. Well, it wasn't that bad to be honest - I got a card delivered to work - a really nice one too but it wasn't the same. I drank Peach Bellini's and got quite drunk and consoled myself on the fact that I hadn't had to fork out more money on gifts I can't afford (god, Armani cuff links for Valentines Day Polly - what were you thinking? It must have been love!!!!)

So, next year I hope that they either cancel the day altogether - or alternatively I have a nice fella to spoil me!

So raise your glasses (of Peach Bellini's) to single life..............and the fact that Valentines Day is over for another year!

Monday, 12 February 2007

Wannabe Groupie!

I went to a concert last night - very rock n' roll for a school night I know but hey, you've got to live a little!

I love my music and I love the buzz of going to see live bands. Admittedly I don't generally get to 'see' much due to my 5'4 height status but if I stand on my tiptoes occasionally I catch sight of the microphone or the tall guy at the front jumping up and down.

There should be a height sequence at gigs - all shorties to the front and tallies to the back. Its the same as being at the cinema, you find yourself a good spot where you can see perfectly and then some 6'4 fella comes and stands in front of you. He's always the guy that dances around like a maniac too and sweats from the second the music starts. At least you can't eat popcorn in a concert.

The venue for this gig is a popular one for bands in Nottingham, I've been watching bands play there for about 11 or 12 years and in that time I don't think its been re-painted once. Its run down to say the least but then I guess your not looking at the decor when you've gone to watch your favourite band play. The walls are painted black and you stick to the floor the second you walk through the door - too many cans of Red Stripe lager spilt over the years!

To say how black the walls are though the people in there are colourful. There's every type of band 'geek' imaginable. The dreadlocks, the punks, the uber cool, the 'indie' boys with the same spiky haircuts and skinny jeans and then theres the 'concert virgins' who look like their about to go to dinner with their in laws!

You spend the night getting soaked in sweat and lager - yours and other peoples, you get pushed from pillar to post, you stretch every muscle in your body to see the stage and you always have one person stood next to you that sings along loudly so you can't hear the singer. But I love it - that second the band starts playing and you just lose yourself in the music, its like being on the dance floor and hearing your favourite ever tune only 100% better. Your in a room full of people who love the band too - a kind of mutual appreciation and when its all over and you've clapped and whooped (i must work on my whoop by the way - its a bit girly) until your hands and throat sting, you stumble into the daylight with ringing ears and a broad smile.

Not ever managed to blag a back stage pass as of yet but watch this space - and Miss Fish if your reading this - we need to meet at least one band before we turn 30!!!

I'll keep you posted!!!!

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Friday, 9 February 2007

myspace!

"My name is Polly Tronic and I'm a myspace addict"

I joined a week ago, it was only meant to be a bit of fun, a way to keep in contact with friends that was more fun than normal emails, something to log onto on those cold winter afternoons when your bored, a way to check up on potential new boyfriends!!!!

It started with the odd one or two log ins per week, then it started to become a daily thing, now its out of control - I logged on 8 times yesterday...............Oh god, whats happening to me?!?!

For those of you unfamiliar with my myspace its a website that has become a massive phenomenon in the US and the UK. You create a site of your own and then add backgrounds, pictures of yourself, information about your likes and dislikes, etc... Its good fun and a great way to chat to people. Basically people email you and ask if they can be 'added' to your site - so basically they say 'please Polly, can I be your friend'. You then get to Approve or Deny them. I mean how fabulous!!!!

There are some gorgeous men on there too and within a week I've been asked out more times than I have in the past 6 months. Admittedly some of them are a bit weird - actually that's putting it mildly - there's the guys from the Far East that send messages like

"You nice, you be my friend. Yes?"

I fear there are a few men out there using myspace to find a wife - and a British passport!

I am hooked though, its so much fun. I worry what I'll do without a computer over the weekend, I may even have to join the Internet generation at home and get my computer Interneted up. But then I may never leave the house again. Oh god! I have all these new friends to keep in contact with.

Anyone know a good myspace therapist...............?

Wednesday, 7 February 2007

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Afternoon all!

Well apologies for not having posted anything for about a week - think I must have had writers block as the inspiration just hasn't been flowing for stories to tell you lovely people!

Anyway I'm back now and thou shalt never be away for as long in future!

So I went to see an old uni friend at the weekend, we hadn't seen each other in 4 years so to say we had some catching up to do was an understatement. We barely caught our breath for the first few hours swapping stories of what we'd been up to, then after a pitcher of cocktails it developed onto the 'do you remember when...' conversations. We reminisced for hours - the drunken tales, the people we remembered, the house we lived in, the time we got burgled and we made the gorgeous policemen they sent round check all our rooms before we'd go to bed!!! Any excuse to get a handsome man in your bedroom eh?!?

We were amazed at how little either of us had changed and how natural each others company felt again after such a long time. We went out into her local town in the evening and it was like being back at uni again - only less pints of snakebite and black! Gone were the inhibitions you develop as you get older, we danced like it was our first dance since leaving university and we didn't stop talking and laughing all night.

There's something special about the friends you stay in contact with from uni, a strange bond that follows you throughout life, maybe its because its the first time your away from home and the first time having to look after yourself, or maybe its because the time at uni is most probably one of the best time of your life (minus the study part) and they're the people you share the parties with, the nights out, the dissertation stress, the first broken heart, the list goes on.

Its strange how we grow up so quickly - both of us have homes of our own, nice cars and careers now, oh how I miss those lazy uni days though, nothing has ever beat it!

................my overdraft is still the same though!!!

Monday, 29 January 2007

The Blind Date

I had a date at the weekend.

What a disaster!!!!

We'd been set up by friends. I'd had a photo of him and he'd had one of me but I was a little sceptical that the picture of him was from the side - not face forward! Lets just say it must have been his 'best side'!!!!

We agreed to meet in a popular bar in Nottingham City Centre and after battling with the doormen because I didn't have any ID with me (I'm 27 for god sake!!!), I finally walked in and ordered a drink. He walked in a few minutes later and I have to say I'm not sure I hid the disappointment well. He wasn't my type at all and although he was a nice enough guy, I knew I didn't and couldn't fancy him.

I bumped into a few friends as we headed to find somewhere to sit and I looked at them longingly as if to say 'take me with you, let me come and have some girlie fun instead' but I chose to be mature and see the evening through.

BIG MISTAKE!

HUGE MISTAKE!

I got trollied - not just a little bit tipsy or merrily drunk - I was more drunk than I have potentially been in years!!!! Totally pie-eyed!

I'm sure I was OK for 90% of the date and we managed to have some decent conversations and even moved onto another bar but from there on is a bit of a blur - I don't remember getting a taxi and the rest of the evening was told by my lovely friend who kindly let me stay at hers - apparently I woke her neighbours by pressing on the intercom and she found me in a heap outside her front door incoherent. I then progressed to tell her that I didn't like my date and that I was drunk - no shit Sherlock!!!!! Then I passed out!


My mate said I must point out that he didn't check to make sure I'd got home OK either? Which goes to show, there are no gentlemen left!!!

I woke the next morning filled with shame and regret and with a very bad hangover....and resolved, of course to never drink again!!!


Needless to say I won't be seeing him again. And maybe I'll stay away from Notts for a few weeks too....just in case!

The quest for Mr Fabulous continues!!!!!


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Tuesday, 23 January 2007

Traffic Wardens - aka Vultures!

I got a parking ticket today.

I'm not happy.

The worse thing was, it was whilst I was out on visits for work so a double blow.

I didn't even realise I'd not put a ticket on the car until I was heading back to it, I had that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and low and behold, as soon as I turned the corner and saw the Venga Bus, I could see that bright yellow ticket like a beacon!

How dare they touch my new car - its left sticky label all over the window and I'm £40 down.

I beg the question of what harm did I REALLY do - it was only parked there for 20 minutes and no one got hurt! I bet the warden was waiting nearby ready to pounce. What a delightful occupation.

Vultures.

Like the Horlicks advert asks........................... 'How do they sleep at night'?

Monday, 22 January 2007

Baby Day Out!

So, me and the girls took a trip to the land where they talk funny yesterday (Birmingham) in the Venga Bus - as the girls have re-named the new car!!!!

Our friend has recently had a baby boy so off we went for a day of cooing and brooding.

I don't mind admitting I am rubbish with babies - in my whole adult life I have held 2 babies for a total of about 10 seconds. The minute I even sit near them I swear they start crying - and not just a whimper, I mean full on wailing that could wake an entire neighbourhood.

So we'd been at my friends for well over an hour when I knew I couldn't put it off any longer - I was going to have to hold him. He'd been as good as gold all morning - gurgling happily and playing with his toys - well putting them in his mouth and dribbling on them actually but I think that's classed as playing when your 3 months old!

I reached out and my friend put him on my knee "Its OK you know, he won't break" So I tried to relax, I pulled faces and let him pull my hair but then his face started to redden, his bottom lip started to quiver and no matter who much I tried to appease him, the tears started and got louder and louder.

I was gutted, and really embarrassed too actually. I decided that babies really must be able to smell your fear!

The other girls coped fine - the only time he cried was when I went to sit next to them - the baby hates me. Its OK though, I have a good memory and I'll get him back when he's 18 - I'll be saving up stories for when he gets his first girlfriend!!!

But what respect for my friends as first time parents. They've taken to it wonderfully - they're total naturals and I was quite jealous of the little family unit they've created, so Congratulations to you both- not that they have time to read my blog, they've got a baby to look after!!!!

But my time will come - when they devise a way to grow the baby outside of the body.... in a greenhouse or test tube maybe?

Friday, 19 January 2007

Texters Thumb

Shipwrecked is returning to our tellies on Sunday - hip hip hoorah, Sunday mornings will once more have a purpose!

I'll warn you now though reader (s???), I feel some reminiscing coming on next week - I used to watch Shipwrecked with......with..... 'the ex'. There I said it! I'm pathetic!

It won't be the same! I fear my text tourettes might rear its ugly head once again - but no, I must for once exert some self control!!!!

I have wondered if I have some form of ailment - a kind of 'tennis elbow' but instead its 'texters thumb'. Its crazy, when I'm bored, fed up, happy or have drunk a bottle of Cherry Lambrini the thumb gets twitchy!!!! Now I thought it was all under control, myself and my lovely friend (who became single around the same time as me) have a bit of an arrangement - should the thumb start to hover over the 'message' section in our phones we text each other. In turn the other one will then tell us the reasons why we shouldn't etc and the moment passes. This week the system failed, my 'DON'T DO IT' reply didn't work so I think a Plan B must be devised now.

I have thought about connecting an electric shock device to the phone when a certain number is selected or maybe getting a plastic Fisher Price phone I could 'pretend text' from but I don't think either will work.

So any ideas please let me know. For the sake of me, my friend, all single people with a text problem and our phone bills.............we need your help!

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Grown Up Rubbish

So I'm looking at changing my mortgage. I've been paying one for 5 years but still I pretend it doesn't exist, that my beautiful home really comes for free and every penny of my wages goes on me, me, me!!!

Oh if only it did!

So it got me thinking, and a bit annoyed too if I'm honest. I'm a very capable person and have always been very independent when it comes to looking after myself and providing for myself. But you know what? I'm sick of it!!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to meet a man who I can live off and be a lady of leisure for (although I'd like to give it a try for a few days!), I just want someone else to share the burden and responsibility with.

I love the fact that everything I own I have bought for myself, if I see something I want I save and buy it or do without but never have I asked anyone to put their hand in their pocket for me (mum/ dad - the occasional tenner doesn't count!!!). The only thing is, as much as I always pay my share, its the decision making, the sharing and the responsibility that I would like to half. I'm sick of only having myself to look after and think about.

Its weird, I speak to my 'couple' friends and they moan about their other halves constantly - will any of us be happy or is the grass always greener?!?

So back to the point - the mortgage, I made the decision to meet with an independent mortgage advisor to ask for his advice. He was a lovely man - very enthusiastic about his job bless him, but seemed to be the guy to advise me. He asked me questions for about an hour, I think the only thing he didn't ask was my bra size and inside leg measurement, it was exhausting!

Then came the science part.........fixed, variable, tracker, discount, blah, blah, blah...... I thought I was pretty up to date and in the know about all that sort of thing - it would seem I was wrong, it was like someone had replaced my brain with cotton wool and I couldn't absorb any information. He packed me off with an armful of info, some bedtime reading, and told me he'd be in touch.

I got in my car and felt fed up - I want a man to help me make this decision, then if its the wrong choice I can blame him and say 'I'd have gone with the other option'!!!! But there's only me to make the choices at Casa Polly so I'll be putting my chick lit away this weekend and concentrating on 'Operation New Mortgage'!!!!

Wish me luck.....I think I'll need it!

The Great British Weather

I apologise to write about the weather - I know us Brits get bored to tears and fed up talking about it but OH MY GOD....... whats happening?

I came out of work yesterday with the usual spring in my step ready to get home to watch my beloved Hollyoaks but something seemed wrong around the city centre. There were lots of people looking bemused and lost and there wasn't the sound of a tram horn anywhere.

So I stood waiting for the tram, 5 minutes....10 minutes.....15 minutes....you get the impression.....nothing. The voice over the tanoy announces that all trams around the city had been cancelled due to falling trees and to make alternative routes home.

Dammit

So I started my trek to the park and ride, and let me tell you its a long walk in gail force winds!!!

I looked ridiculous, it was that strong wind that forces you to walk with your body almost doubled over, bum in the air, hair all over the face. I was being blown all over and my poor feet were in bits.

The walk to my car was all up hill with a tiny little down hill section towards the end. By the time I got to that bit though my legs were so weary, I kind of tripped and stumbled the rest of the way back like I'd lost all control of my own body.

I got in my car and looked in the mirror - I had mascara and eyeliner down my face, my hair was slapped to my cheeks and I won't even start on my ruined shoes and clothes. My umbrella was in shreds (bloody thing was about as much use as a chocolate fire guard). I made the drive home in a sulk cursing about living in Britain and thinking about how many months left until we'll see some sun (whatever that is).

Once I get home I put the kettle on and get into my Pj's and look at my phone, Ooh, I've got a text from my Dad

"Hi pet, hope all is well, weather here in Spain is lovely and warm, sat outside the bar having a beer, lv dad xxx"

I HATE HIM!!!!!!!

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Thursday, 11 January 2007

The Phone Generation

My parents have gone on holiday.

They do this a lot - they have a little villa in Spain that they paid for with the money they'd saved in case either myself or my sister got married - that's confidence for you! If I ever need a shot gun wedding they'll be sorry!

Whilst they're out there we tend to communicate via the world of text messaging. I don't know about anyone else but I find getting a text off my parents very unnerving - especially when its in short text! Our parents brought us up to 'speak nicely' and if I was ever caught talking slang I'd be sent to bed without my Twinkle magazine and my Disco crisps and glass of milk (you remember the days sis - arguing over the last packet of Discos and then licking the salt off them till they went soggy!!!) so when you get a text from your mum that's in short text its all wrong.

How r u? Arr ok sun luvly call u l8r

M&D xx

Watch your grammar mum else I'll send you to bed without your Prima magazine and Martini!

And don't get me started on my Dad. He shouts down the phone just to make sure you can hear him (and everyone else sat within a 500 yard radius can too).

They tend to get mine and my sisters old phones and as they get smaller and smaller over the years, the looks of panic on their faces increases.

"But Dad its got a camera, video and MP3 player in it"

"What the bleedin hell is an MP3..............and why do they have to make the flaming buttons so small"

Parents.... u got 2 luv em!!!!



Detox or Retox?

So January is in full swing and god, what a depressing month!

Everyone is miserable because they've either
a) Quit smoking
b) Given up the drink to go on detox
c) Started a diet
d) Got no money
e) Dumped boyfriend/girlfriend coz they bought you a sh*t present for Christmas
f) Fallen out with the family over a heated game of Pictionary on New Years Day and not yet made up

Or all of the above.

Plus the weather is crap - and no one looks their best wrapped in 4 layers with chapped lips and a bunged up nose!

Now January telly is usually quite good and alleviates the boredom but even that's not hitting the spot this year - I can just about tolerate Big Brother but the Celebrity version is just cringe worthy. I have no idea who half of them are! The soaps are full of doom and gloom too and on every ad break there's another 'so-called' celebrity prancing around in a leotard promoting their fitness DVDs. Its enough to make me hide under my duvet for the whole 31 days!

So I get to New Years Resolutions. How many of them have you broken already?
I'm proud to say I've stuck to mine - as long as you don't count the resolution of 'I'm never texting 'the ex' ever ever again' - I broke that one last night but before you all shout at me through the power of your computers, it was only to tell him about my new car - I'd literally run out of people to tell! And I'm only human after all and I do miss him - But as people tell me, that along with the pining, will pass!!!!!

But back to resolutions. My colleague at work has decided to fully detox - no more caffeine, he's quit the fags, he's been bringing healthy sandwiches to work (I haven't the heart to tell him detox means no bread so we'll let that one slide!) and he's not touching alcohol until the month is over. Now all I can say is good on him - I have neither the willpower or the inclination. To be honest I'm one of the only people I know that actually drunk LESS than I normally do over Christmas. Saying that though I did go to a lot of Christmas parties and experienced some of the worst hangovers I've ever had (that no amount of bacon sandwiches could fix) so maybe that put me off this year.

So this weekend I plan to go out and partake in a few alcoholic beverages, maybe have a kebab on the way home and do absolutely no exercise at all since I figured everyone will be back to their usual bad habits in a few weeks anyway!

So raise your glasses and join me.....for Retox!

Friday, 5 January 2007

Weight Watchers

Everywhere I look someone is on a diet.......Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Atkins, The Zone, The Cabbage (?)................... I could be here a while.

Now everyone puts on a bit of weight over Christmas (we'll eliminate celebrities from that generalisation as they 'don't do food') but why the sudden desperation come January 1st to start eating lettuce leafs and regard all your food as 'points'?

I went out for dinner today, a Friday ritual with the girls that I look forward to all week, but as we sat down today and I ordered my large glass of red wine (It'd been a hard morning) one of the girls announced "I'm doing Weight Watchers" and brought out from her bag a little notebook with the calorie intake and points of all the foods ever in the world (well, maybe Turnips had been missed off but who eats them anyway?)

Now I like my food but thankfully I'm as happy eating a chicken salad as I am eating a 15oz steak. I don't however like to know how much calories, fat, salt, lard, is in my deep fried mars bar - it spoils the enjoyment.

So as we start looking through the menus and we've all made our choices, said friend is comparing the menu to her little book of calorie fun. I can hear her muttering "so if I just have a salad and a water now, I can save my points and have a couple of alcopops and a kebab on my way home tonight....hmmmm, what should I do"

THATS NOT A DIET!!!!

A diet is eating cuppa soups and celery isn't it? (and for all you dieters, you burn off more calories chewing celery than you do eating the damn thing!!!)

So it leads to me to wondering where all these diets came from - how did it all become so complicated - I'm very much of the 'eat less, exercise more' school of healthy eating? Now I realise I've got it all wrong.

So good luck to all you dieters - I've been told about one where you can eat as many Haribos as you like but you have to limit how much fruit you eat 'coz of the points' so guess which diet I'm going to be adopting this weekend?

Now I wonder how many points are in a bottle of red wine.....................?



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The Car Showroom

So, I've just purchased a new car - well I say purchase, I nervously muttered 'yes please' when they asked if I wanted the car and then muttered some credit card details that I recognised to be mine at the salesman for a deposit.

Its not as simple as buying a pair of shoes is it?

I'm ashamed to say I took my Dad with me during the whole car buying process. Now at 27 I've bought 2 houses, negotiated new jobs, and I've been brave enough to send back soup so I'm quite an independent lady. So why couldn't I attempt to buy a car on my own?

Car Salesmen that's why!

They can dazzle me with their talk of 'Brake Horse Power' and 'ABS' and quite frankly its like a foreign language. I don't know about engines, I don't know the difference between engine sizes and 'injection' versus....... non-injection? If i'm honest, I sometimes forget the name of that mirror thingy that's hung to the left of me - you know the one you check your lipstick in!

So, I walk around the garage pretending to know what I'm doing - I show interest in the cars that 'look nice' or are a 'nice colour' - my Dad is busy checking tyres and engines and mileage... I mean BORING!!!! When the, rather lovely, young salesman walks over I'm instructed to "shut up and let me do the talking" by my Dad.

I'm looking at an Audi TT (please note, there are other leading brands of cars on the market - phew!) that is about £7000 out of my budget whilst my Dad is looking at 'practical' cars. I'm getting bored at this point, all the cars I like I can't afford but all the ones I can afford look like Granny mobiles (as my sister dearly calls them).

Suddenly, across a dusty forecourt my eye catches a little blue number, its sleek body and sparkling exterior are irresistible. I walk over but suddenly remember my Dads stern words of warning.

"Never show you're interested, never spend too much time looking over one particular car AND NEVER EVER SAY 'Ooh I like this one"!!!

So I made the ultimate mistake - I ran my fingers over the bodywork, I looked longingly through the windows and I................ I ............ I asked if I could take it for a drive! Well, I never did believe in playing hard to get!

Now the thing I haven't told you about this car - the absolute icing on the cake - is that it has electronic sliding doors that you control with a remote! Now I can't get excited about engine sizes, miles to the gallon (although I suppose I should pay more attention to that part), or how many seconds it take to go from 0-60 but I can get excited about electronic doors!

Just imagine the scene, you've had a hard day shopping and as you walk towards the car with your heels pinching your feet and your heavy bags weighing you down, you press a button on the keys and hey presto, the door opens - and not outwards like an ordinary door, OH NO, it slides backwards!

So, I take the car for a spin, I like it, I can't hide my excitement any longer so I let my dad take over - they take a look over my current car which I'll let you into a little secret, is about to die on me anytime soon), they start talking figures, part exchanges, blah, blah, boring, boring and then I'm signing on the dotted line.

Now admittedly I had no idea what I was signing for, I started day dreaming about me 'cruising around' in my new motor so it could have been that Granny mobile parked outside for all I knew but I was confident my Dad would explain as soon as I got home.

So wish me luck, I'll get the car in a few days - and you never know, I might have actually signed for the one I wanted!

Now, what shoes do I have that match the colour...................?

Thursday, 4 January 2007

Men are from Mars...

Now the one thing that takes up some serious thinking time for me is the Male / Female divide- the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus theory.

I grew up with a lot of male friends - I wasn't a tomboy (I left the tree climbing and dungarees to my sister) but I gained, what I thought, was a pretty accurate idea of how the male mind worked - WRONG!!!!

I understand that men can't get excited about finding a handbag AND the matching shoes in the sale, they don't understand how trying a new shade of lippy can really brighten your day and they certainly don't understand our need to chat to our friends every night for an hour about what happened in Eastenders, Corrie, BB, Desperate Housewives....etc.

The life of a Man seems very black and white to me. Work, Beer, Sex, Football, Yes, No, Wrong, Right. Sorted. The life of a woman is much more multicoloured!

Women will 'talk through their problems' (or start a blog!!!), they'll analyse, assess, ponder, reminisce, cry, laugh, moan, bitch......the list is endless! We spend a lot of time thinking things through and remember everything.

So I come to the point of men in relationships. Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate men have a hard time with us ladies at times. We say we're fine when we're actually not, we expect our boyfriends to read our minds, we expect them to tell us our 'bum doesn't look big' - even before we've asked them and we expect them to notice when we've had our hair trimmed, tried a new eyeshadow or bought a new pair of shoes. We expect to be lavished with flowers and chocolates but when they turn up on the door step with them our suspicious minds think 'whats he done wrong this time'.

So OK, girlfriends can be hard work but its our complexities that make us who we are! It makes us interesting! Now what I don't understand is how men can spend the whole day in the pub with their mates and talk about nothing. I mean how long does it take to talk about the previous nights footie match? I'd love to be a fly on the wall. I can imagine the conversation going like this:

"You see the footie last night"

"Yeah, the ref needs sacking, no way was that ball offside"

"Innit"

"You see the tits on page 3 today, she was well fit"

"Well fit. Innit"

I want to hear men talking about their feelings, the new coat they bought last week, recommending a new diet, what they're buying their mums/sister/girlfriends for their birthday and whether Paris or Italy is the most stylish city. I want to hear them debate over whether Posh spice is too skinny or whether they think Britney will make a comeback - you know, important stuff!

So I come to the point of men and break ups. Whilst us girls sit at home for weeks with our large tub of Ben and Jerry's and a family size Galaxy bar, our exes are back to normality within 24 hours . They're not reading through old notes and cards or crying into their pillows, they're not watching old movies or listening to sad soppy songs from under their duvets and they're not feeling bitter and lonely and picturing themselves growing old alone surrounded by cats! They go to the pub, get drunk and when your name is mentioned they've forgotten you already ("who? Oh yeah her, no I dumped her yesterday!!!")

Maybe we do come from different planets and the historians forgot to mention it? Maybe its not a bad thing that men and women are so different - surely if we were all the same it would make for a dull and boring life - simple, but boring!

So from now on I'm going to try and adopt a more 'male' attitude to life - be a little more chilled and take things on the chin. And hopefully next time your sat in the pub and you hear a group of lads talking, maybe the conversation will be "No mate, I'm telling you, the cut of those trousers really does suit you, have you lost weight?"

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Wednesday, 3 January 2007

The Dating Game

So, as we established in my last blog, I'm newly single!

Now don't get me wrong, I love being in a relationship, I love the security of having that special someone and the sharing, blah, blah, blah but I've had some fantastic times single and before I met 'the ex', I was in no hurry to get a fella - I dated a lot - some with great success, others not so much. There was the guy who took me to Marbella for the weekend after only our second date - but then there's the guy who kept pulling my hair! Like I said, mixed degrees of success!!!

So I find myself in the pubs and clubs of Nottinghamshire and all of a sudden this new single life seems a little daunting - the men that were once desirable now have a beer gut and a wedding ring and I realise that my rose tinted glasses must need a new prescription.

Now I'm really not superficial when it comes to men - I'm not bowled over by dashing good looks, they don't need a six pack and they don't need a six figure salary and a flashy car - I want someone who I get on with, someone that has shared interests, will make me laugh and regards my faults as 'endearing'!!!

So, I find myself talking to a lovely young man at the bar - he's cute, easy to talk to and wants my number - result! Much texting begins for the next few days until we both meet up. We'd both had heavy weekends and are suffering with hangovers but the night is still a success and as we sit chatting and bantering in the local pub I decide I want to see him again. Much texting continues again for the next few days - a few phone calls in between and then another date. Dinner, a nice cosy bar and all in all, a successful evening.

But then it starts, the drunken text messages, the midnight phone calls, more texts and the next thing - I freak! I can't handle waking up to 9 text messages and 3 missed calls EVERY FLAMING DAY!!!! Now don't get me wrong, I'm no saint - I have bombarded 'the ex' with MANY a drunken text message - but even I have standards so cute guy from the bar has now gone.

.......................I told him over text!!!!

So, I embrace my next date (whenever that might be) with an open mind - its exciting really, someone you have yet to meet could be your next dinner date, after all, there's a world of people out there to meet.

Now where did I put that singles classified ad......................?

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January Bleugghhhhhhh..................

Girly Myspace Layouts
Girly Myspace Layouts


So, its the 3rd of January and I'm depressed!
No more Christmas parties, no more daytime drinking, no more long lie-ins (aka hangovers) and no more festive cheer!
I have to be honest though, I am kind of glad to see the back of 2006 - it wasn't my favourite year, in fact it was a bloody awful year!!!!

That takes me to why I've decided to write this blog, call it therapy - or a delayed need to write a diary (I stopped writing one as a kid after my younger sister picked the lock and found out about my crush on Gregory Hill and told everyone at school!).

So I write this first post full of hope for the year ahead. New beginnings and all that - how long it'll last is any ones guess - how long do New Years resolutions last? Not very long in my book let me tell you!!!!

So I leave behind a 2006 that was full of heartache, illness, stress, bereavement, you name it!!! The worst thing to happen, and the one that is going to take the longest to get through was the break up of what was an almost near perfect relationship for a while. I'll never know what happened but it truly sucked. It was October - its now January. How far on am I getting over him? Not very far!

The 'ex' was a breath of fresh air when we met, sweet, good looking, considerate, and very keen (if not a little over keen at first). I didn't want to get involved in a serious relationship but what can I say? I fell in love - and boy did I fall hard. We were the Golden Couple, the love sick teenagers (albeit 26 year old ones!), the perfect match. Sure we had our moments (doesn't everyone?), we were both mardy bums (the Arctic Monkeys even wrote a song about us!) and we argued about some stupid things, but our relationship was great and I felt very lucky. It wasn't long before we started talking about a future together and I was filled with excitement and hope.

Alas though, it didn't last. Things changed - he changed. Gone was the thoughtful, caring, romantic guy I fell in love with and in its place a selfish, uninspiring, no effort replacement. We both had stress outside the relationship but we let it tear us apart and in the end, the guy who had declared I was his 'one' decided that actually, I wasn't and even worse - he didn't have feelings for me anymore. Ouch! So I of course chased him, begged for him to take me back, made a total and utter arse of myself (and I won't even go into the drunken text messages - urgh, the shame!!!)

Never in my life did I think a break up would hurt so much but I guess there is always that one that totally and utterly breaks your heart - and he was that guy!
But its onwards and upwards from now on, I'm an attractive girl (so I'm told) with a lot to say for myself, a good job, a beautiful home and great friends and family. So I'm very lucky!

So join me on my journey - it might be a bumpy ride at times but I can guarantee a few laughs - drunken escapades, dodgy dates, my dedication to Hollyoaks, the list goes on and on.....

So I'll see you soon

Polly xxxx