The Blind Date

I had a date at the weekend.

What a disaster!!!!

We'd been set up by friends. I'd had a photo of him and he'd had one of me but I was a little sceptical that the picture of him was from the side - not face forward! Lets just say it must have been his 'best side'!!!!

We agreed to meet in a popular bar in Nottingham City Centre and after battling with the doormen because I didn't have any ID with me (I'm 27 for god sake!!!), I finally walked in and ordered a drink. He walked in a few minutes later and I have to say I'm not sure I hid the disappointment well. He wasn't my type at all and although he was a nice enough guy, I knew I didn't and couldn't fancy him.

I bumped into a few friends as we headed to find somewhere to sit and I looked at them longingly as if to say 'take me with you, let me come and have some girlie fun instead' but I chose to be mature and see the evening through.

BIG MISTAKE!

HUGE MISTAKE!

I got trollied - not just a little bit tipsy or merrily drunk - I was more drunk than I have potentially been in years!!!! Totally pie-eyed!

I'm sure I was OK for 90% of the date and we managed to have some decent conversations and even moved onto another bar but from there on is a bit of a blur - I don't remember getting a taxi and the rest of the evening was told by my lovely friend who kindly let me stay at hers - apparently I woke her neighbours by pressing on the intercom and she found me in a heap outside her front door incoherent. I then progressed to tell her that I didn't like my date and that I was drunk - no shit Sherlock!!!!! Then I passed out!

My mate said I must point out that he didn't check to make sure I'd got home OK either? Which goes to show, there are no gentlemen left!!!

I woke the next morning filled with shame and regret and with a very bad hangover....and resolved, of course to never drink again!!!

Needless to say I won't be seeing him again. And maybe I'll stay away from Notts for a few weeks too....just in case!

The quest for Mr Fabulous continues!!!!!

Traffic Wardens - aka Vultures!

I got a parking ticket today.

I'm not happy.

The worse thing was, it was whilst I was out on visits for work so a double blow.

I didn't even realise I'd not put a ticket on the car until I was heading back to it, I had that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and low and behold, as soon as I turned the corner and saw the Venga Bus, I could see that bright yellow ticket like a beacon!

How dare they touch my new car - its left sticky label all over the window and I'm £40 down.

I beg the question of what harm did I REALLY do - it was only parked there for 20 minutes and no one got hurt! I bet the warden was waiting nearby ready to pounce. What a delightful occupation.

Vultures.

Like the Horlicks advert asks........................... 'How do they sleep at night'?

Baby Day Out!

So, me and the girls took a trip to the land where they talk funny yesterday (Birmingham) in the Venga Bus - as the girls have re-named the new car!!!!

Our friend has recently had a baby boy so off we went for a day of cooing and brooding.

I don't mind admitting I am rubbish with babies - in my whole adult life I have held 2 babies for a total of about 10 seconds. The minute I even sit near them I swear they start crying - and not just a whimper, I mean full on wailing that could wake an entire neighbourhood.

So we'd been at my friends for well over an hour when I knew I couldn't put it off any longer - I was going to have to hold him. He'd been as good as gold all morning - gurgling happily and playing with his toys - well putting them in his mouth and dribbling on them actually but I think that's classed as playing when your 3 months old!

I reached out and my friend put him on my knee "Its OK you know, he won't break" So I tried to relax, I pulled faces and let him pull my hair but then his face started to redden, his bottom lip started to quiver and no matter who much I tried to appease him, the tears started and got louder and louder.

I was gutted, and really embarrassed too actually. I decided that babies really must be able to smell your fear!

The other girls coped fine - the only time he cried was when I went to sit next to them - the baby hates me. Its OK though, I have a good memory and I'll get him back when he's 18 - I'll be saving up stories for when he gets his first girlfriend!!!

But what respect for my friends as first time parents. They've taken to it wonderfully - they're total naturals and I was quite jealous of the little family unit they've created, so Congratulations to you both- not that they have time to read my blog, they've got a baby to look after!!!!

But my time will come - when they devise a way to grow the baby outside of the body.... in a greenhouse or test tube maybe?

Texters Thumb

Shipwrecked is returning to our tellies on Sunday - hip hip hoorah, Sunday mornings will once more have a purpose!

I'll warn you now though reader (s???), I feel some reminiscing coming on next week - I used to watch Shipwrecked with......with..... 'the ex'. There I said it! I'm pathetic!

It won't be the same! I fear my text tourettes might rear its ugly head once again - but no, I must for once exert some self control!!!!

I have wondered if I have some form of ailment - a kind of 'tennis elbow' but instead its 'texters thumb'. Its crazy, when I'm bored, fed up, happy or have drunk a bottle of Cherry Lambrini the thumb gets twitchy!!!! Now I thought it was all under control, myself and my lovely friend (who became single around the same time as me) have a bit of an arrangement - should the thumb start to hover over the 'message' section in our phones we text each other. In turn the other one will then tell us the reasons why we shouldn't etc and the moment passes. This week the system failed, my 'DON'T DO IT' reply didn't work so I think a Plan B must be devised now.

I have thought about connecting an electric shock device to the phone when a certain number is selected or maybe getting a plastic Fisher Price phone I could 'pretend text' from but I don't think either will work.

So any ideas please let me know. For the sake of me, my friend, all single people with a text problem and our phone bills.............we need your help!

Grown Up Rubbish

So I'm looking at changing my mortgage. I've been paying one for 5 years but still I pretend it doesn't exist, that my beautiful home really comes for free and every penny of my wages goes on me, me, me!!!

Oh if only it did!

So it got me thinking, and a bit annoyed too if I'm honest. I'm a very capable person and have always been very independent when it comes to looking after myself and providing for myself. But you know what? I'm sick of it!!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to meet a man who I can live off and be a lady of leisure for (although I'd like to give it a try for a few days!), I just want someone else to share the burden and responsibility with.

I love the fact that everything I own I have bought for myself, if I see something I want I save and buy it or do without but never have I asked anyone to put their hand in their pocket for me (mum/ dad - the occasional tenner doesn't count!!!). The only thing is, as much as I always pay my share, its the decision making, the sharing and the responsibility that I would like to half. I'm sick of only having myself to look after and think about.

Its weird, I speak to my 'couple' friends and they moan about their other halves constantly - will any of us be happy or is the grass always greener?!?

So back to the point - the mortgage, I made the decision to meet with an independent mortgage advisor to ask for his advice. He was a lovely man - very enthusiastic about his job bless him, but seemed to be the guy to advise me. He asked me questions for about an hour, I think the only thing he didn't ask was my bra size and inside leg measurement, it was exhausting!

Then came the science part.........fixed, variable, tracker, discount, blah, blah, blah...... I thought I was pretty up to date and in the know about all that sort of thing - it would seem I was wrong, it was like someone had replaced my brain with cotton wool and I couldn't absorb any information. He packed me off with an armful of info, some bedtime reading, and told me he'd be in touch.

I got in my car and felt fed up - I want a man to help me make this decision, then if its the wrong choice I can blame him and say 'I'd have gone with the other option'!!!! But there's only me to make the choices at Casa Polly so I'll be putting my chick lit away this weekend and concentrating on 'Operation New Mortgage'!!!!

Wish me luck.....I think I'll need it!

The Great British Weather

I apologise to write about the weather - I know us Brits get bored to tears and fed up talking about it but OH MY GOD....... whats happening?

I came out of work yesterday with the usual spring in my step ready to get home to watch my beloved Hollyoaks but something seemed wrong around the city centre. There were lots of people looking bemused and lost and there wasn't the sound of a tram horn anywhere.

So I stood waiting for the tram, 5 minutes....10 minutes.....15 minutes....you get the impression.....nothing. The voice over the tanoy announces that all trams around the city had been cancelled due to falling trees and to make alternative routes home.

Dammit

So I started my trek to the park and ride, and let me tell you its a long walk in gail force winds!!!

I looked ridiculous, it was that strong wind that forces you to walk with your body almost doubled over, bum in the air, hair all over the face. I was being blown all over and my poor feet were in bits.

The walk to my car was all up hill with a tiny little down hill section towards the end. By the time I got to that bit though my legs were so weary, I kind of tripped and stumbled the rest of the way back like I'd lost all control of my own body.

I got in my car and looked in the mirror - I had mascara and eyeliner down my face, my hair was slapped to my cheeks and I won't even start on my ruined shoes and clothes. My umbrella was in shreds (bloody thing was about as much use as a chocolate fire guard). I made the drive home in a sulk cursing about living in Britain and thinking about how many months left until we'll see some sun (whatever that is).

Once I get home I put the kettle on and get into my Pj's and look at my phone, Ooh, I've got a text from my Dad

"Hi pet, hope all is well, weather here in Spain is lovely and warm, sat outside the bar having a beer, lv dad xxx"

I HATE HIM!!!!!!!

The Phone Generation

My parents have gone on holiday.

They do this a lot - they have a little villa in Spain that they paid for with the money they'd saved in case either myself or my sister got married - that's confidence for you! If I ever need a shot gun wedding they'll be sorry!

Whilst they're out there we tend to communicate via the world of text messaging. I don't know about anyone else but I find getting a text off my parents very unnerving - especially when its in short text! Our parents brought us up to 'speak nicely' and if I was ever caught talking slang I'd be sent to bed without my Twinkle magazine and my Disco crisps and glass of milk (you remember the days sis - arguing over the last packet of Discos and then licking the salt off them till they went soggy!!!) so when you get a text from your mum that's in short text its all wrong.

How r u? Arr ok sun luvly call u l8r

M&D xx

Watch your grammar mum else I'll send you to bed without your Prima magazine and Martini!

And don't get me started on my Dad. He shouts down the phone just to make sure you can hear him (and everyone else sat within a 500 yard radius can too).

They tend to get mine and my sisters old phones and as they get smaller and smaller over the years, the looks of panic on their faces increases.

"But Dad its got a camera, video and MP3 player in it"

"What the bleedin hell is an MP3..............and why do they have to make the flaming buttons so small"

Parents.... u got 2 luv em!!!!

Detox or Retox?

So January is in full swing and god, what a depressing month!

Everyone is miserable because they've either
a) Quit smoking
b) Given up the drink to go on detox
c) Started a diet
d) Got no money
e) Dumped boyfriend/girlfriend coz they bought you a sh*t present for Christmas
f) Fallen out with the family over a heated game of Pictionary on New Years Day and not yet made up

Or all of the above.

Plus the weather is crap - and no one looks their best wrapped in 4 layers with chapped lips and a bunged up nose!

Now January telly is usually quite good and alleviates the boredom but even that's not hitting the spot this year - I can just about tolerate Big Brother but the Celebrity version is just cringe worthy. I have no idea who half of them are! The soaps are full of doom and gloom too and on every ad break there's another 'so-called' celebrity prancing around in a leotard promoting their fitness DVDs. Its enough to make me hide under my duvet for the whole 31 days!

So I get to New Years Resolutions. How many of them have you broken already?
I'm proud to say I've stuck to mine - as long as you don't count the resolution of 'I'm never texting 'the ex' ever ever again' - I broke that one last night but before you all shout at me through the power of your computers, it was only to tell him about my new car - I'd literally run out of people to tell! And I'm only human after all and I do miss him - But as people tell me, that along with the pining, will pass!!!!!

But back to resolutions. My colleague at work has decided to fully detox - no more caffeine, he's quit the fags, he's been bringing healthy sandwiches to work (I haven't the heart to tell him detox means no bread so we'll let that one slide!) and he's not touching alcohol until the month is over. Now all I can say is good on him - I have neither the willpower or the inclination. To be honest I'm one of the only people I know that actually drunk LESS than I normally do over Christmas. Saying that though I did go to a lot of Christmas parties and experienced some of the worst hangovers I've ever had (that no amount of bacon sandwiches could fix) so maybe that put me off this year.

So this weekend I plan to go out and partake in a few alcoholic beverages, maybe have a kebab on the way home and do absolutely no exercise at all since I figured everyone will be back to their usual bad habits in a few weeks anyway!

So raise your glasses and join me.....for Retox!

Weight Watchers

Everywhere I look someone is on a diet.......Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Atkins, The Zone, The Cabbage (?)................... I could be here a while.

Now everyone puts on a bit of weight over Christmas (we'll eliminate celebrities from that generalisation as they 'don't do food') but why the sudden desperation come January 1st to start eating lettuce leafs and regard all your food as 'points'?

I went out for dinner today, a Friday ritual with the girls that I look forward to all week, but as we sat down today and I ordered my large glass of red wine (It'd been a hard morning) one of the girls announced "I'm doing Weight Watchers" and brought out from her bag a little notebook with the calorie intake and points of all the foods ever in the world (well, maybe Turnips had been missed off but who eats them anyway?)

Now I like my food but thankfully I'm as happy eating a chicken salad as I am eating a 15oz steak. I don't however like to know how much calories, fat, salt, lard, is in my deep fried mars bar - it spoils the enjoyment.

So as we start looking through the menus and we've all made our choices, said friend is comparing the menu to her little book of calorie fun. I can hear her muttering "so if I just have a salad and a water now, I can save my points and have a couple of alcopops and a kebab on my way home tonight....hmmmm, what should I do"

THATS NOT A DIET!!!!

A diet is eating cuppa soups and celery isn't it? (and for all you dieters, you burn off more calories chewing celery than you do eating the damn thing!!!)

So it leads to me to wondering where all these diets came from - how did it all become so complicated - I'm very much of the 'eat less, exercise more' school of healthy eating? Now I realise I've got it all wrong.

So good luck to all you dieters - I've been told about one where you can eat as many Haribos as you like but you have to limit how much fruit you eat 'coz of the points' so guess which diet I'm going to be adopting this weekend?

Now I wonder how many points are in a bottle of red wine.....................?

The Car Showroom

So, I've just purchased a new car - well I say purchase, I nervously muttered 'yes please' when they asked if I wanted the car and then muttered some credit card details that I recognised to be mine at the salesman for a deposit.

Its not as simple as buying a pair of shoes is it?

I'm ashamed to say I took my Dad with me during the whole car buying process. Now at 27 I've bought 2 houses, negotiated new jobs, and I've been brave enough to send back soup so I'm quite an independent lady. So why couldn't I attempt to buy a car on my own?

Car Salesmen that's why!

They can dazzle me with their talk of 'Brake Horse Power' and 'ABS' and quite frankly its like a foreign language. I don't know about engines, I don't know the difference between engine sizes and 'injection' versus....... non-injection? If i'm honest, I sometimes forget the name of that mirror thingy that's hung to the left of me - you know the one you check your lipstick in!

So, I walk around the garage pretending to know what I'm doing - I show interest in the cars that 'look nice' or are a 'nice colour' - my Dad is busy checking tyres and engines and mileage... I mean BORING!!!! When the, rather lovely, young salesman walks over I'm instructed to "shut up and let me do the talking" by my Dad.

I'm looking at an Audi TT (please note, there are other leading brands of cars on the market - phew!) that is about £7000 out of my budget whilst my Dad is looking at 'practical' cars. I'm getting bored at this point, all the cars I like I can't afford but all the ones I can afford look like Granny mobiles (as my sister dearly calls them).

Suddenly, across a dusty forecourt my eye catches a little blue number, its sleek body and sparkling exterior are irresistible. I walk over but suddenly remember my Dads stern words of warning.

"Never show you're interested, never spend too much time looking over one particular car AND NEVER EVER SAY 'Ooh I like this one"!!!

So I made the ultimate mistake - I ran my fingers over the bodywork, I looked longingly through the windows and I................ I ............ I asked if I could take it for a drive! Well, I never did believe in playing hard to get!

Now the thing I haven't told you about this car - the absolute icing on the cake - is that it has electronic sliding doors that you control with a remote! Now I can't get excited about engine sizes, miles to the gallon (although I suppose I should pay more attention to that part), or how many seconds it take to go from 0-60 but I can get excited about electronic doors!

Just imagine the scene, you've had a hard day shopping and as you walk towards the car with your heels pinching your feet and your heavy bags weighing you down, you press a button on the keys and hey presto, the door opens - and not outwards like an ordinary door, OH NO, it slides backwards!

So, I take the car for a spin, I like it, I can't hide my excitement any longer so I let my dad take over - they take a look over my current car which I'll let you into a little secret, is about to die on me anytime soon), they start talking figures, part exchanges, blah, blah, boring, boring and then I'm signing on the dotted line.

Now admittedly I had no idea what I was signing for, I started day dreaming about me 'cruising around' in my new motor so it could have been that Granny mobile parked outside for all I knew but I was confident my Dad would explain as soon as I got home.

So wish me luck, I'll get the car in a few days - and you never know, I might have actually signed for the one I wanted!

Now, what shoes do I have that match the colour...................?

Men are from Mars...

Now the one thing that takes up some serious thinking time for me is the Male / Female divide- the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus theory.

I grew up with a lot of male friends - I wasn't a tomboy (I left the tree climbing and dungarees to my sister) but I gained, what I thought, was a pretty accurate idea of how the male mind worked - WRONG!!!!

I understand that men can't get excited about finding a handbag AND the matching shoes in the sale, they don't understand how trying a new shade of lippy can really brighten your day and they certainly don't understand our need to chat to our friends every night for an hour about what happened in Eastenders, Corrie, BB, Desperate Housewives....etc.

The life of a Man seems very black and white to me. Work, Beer, Sex, Football, Yes, No, Wrong, Right. Sorted. The life of a woman is much more multicoloured!

Women will 'talk through their problems' (or start a blog!!!), they'll analyse, assess, ponder, reminisce, cry, laugh, moan, bitch......the list is endless! We spend a lot of time thinking things through and remember everything.

So I come to the point of men in relationships. Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate men have a hard time with us ladies at times. We say we're fine when we're actually not, we expect our boyfriends to read our minds, we expect them to tell us our 'bum doesn't look big' - even before we've asked them and we expect them to notice when we've had our hair trimmed, tried a new eyeshadow or bought a new pair of shoes. We expect to be lavished with flowers and chocolates but when they turn up on the door step with them our suspicious minds think 'whats he done wrong this time'.

So OK, girlfriends can be hard work but its our complexities that make us who we are! It makes us interesting! Now what I don't understand is how men can spend the whole day in the pub with their mates and talk about nothing. I mean how long does it take to talk about the previous nights footie match? I'd love to be a fly on the wall. I can imagine the conversation going like this:

"You see the footie last night"

"Yeah, the ref needs sacking, no way was that ball offside"

"Innit"

"You see the tits on page 3 today, she was well fit"

"Well fit. Innit"

I want to hear men talking about their feelings, the new coat they bought last week, recommending a new diet, what they're buying their mums/sister/girlfriends for their birthday and whether Paris or Italy is the most stylish city. I want to hear them debate over whether Posh spice is too skinny or whether they think Britney will make a comeback - you know, important stuff!

So I come to the point of men and break ups. Whilst us girls sit at home for weeks with our large tub of Ben and Jerry's and a family size Galaxy bar, our exes are back to normality within 24 hours . They're not reading through old notes and cards or crying into their pillows, they're not watching old movies or listening to sad soppy songs from under their duvets and they're not feeling bitter and lonely and picturing themselves growing old alone surrounded by cats! They go to the pub, get drunk and when your name is mentioned they've forgotten you already ("who? Oh yeah her, no I dumped her yesterday!!!")

Maybe we do come from different planets and the historians forgot to mention it? Maybe its not a bad thing that men and women are so different - surely if we were all the same it would make for a dull and boring life - simple, but boring!

So from now on I'm going to try and adopt a more 'male' attitude to life - be a little more chilled and take things on the chin. And hopefully next time your sat in the pub and you hear a group of lads talking, maybe the conversation will be "No mate, I'm telling you, the cut of those trousers really does suit you, have you lost weight?"

The Dating Game

So, as we established in my last blog, I'm newly single!

Now don't get me wrong, I love being in a relationship, I love the security of having that special someone and the sharing, blah, blah, blah but I've had some fantastic times single and before I met 'the ex', I was in no hurry to get a fella - I dated a lot - some with great success, others not so much. There was the guy who took me to Marbella for the weekend after only our second date - but then there's the guy who kept pulling my hair! Like I said, mixed degrees of success!!!

So I find myself in the pubs and clubs of Nottinghamshire and all of a sudden this new single life seems a little daunting - the men that were once desirable now have a beer gut and a wedding ring and I realise that my rose tinted glasses must need a new prescription.

Now I'm really not superficial when it comes to men - I'm not bowled over by dashing good looks, they don't need a six pack and they don't need a six figure salary and a flashy car - I want someone who I get on with, someone that has shared interests, will make me laugh and regards my faults as 'endearing'!!!

So, I find myself talking to a lovely young man at the bar - he's cute, easy to talk to and wants my number - result! Much texting begins for the next few days until we both meet up. We'd both had heavy weekends and are suffering with hangovers but the night is still a success and as we sit chatting and bantering in the local pub I decide I want to see him again. Much texting continues again for the next few days - a few phone calls in between and then another date. Dinner, a nice cosy bar and all in all, a successful evening.

But then it starts, the drunken text messages, the midnight phone calls, more texts and the next thing - I freak! I can't handle waking up to 9 text messages and 3 missed calls EVERY FLAMING DAY!!!! Now don't get me wrong, I'm no saint - I have bombarded 'the ex' with MANY a drunken text message - but even I have standards so cute guy from the bar has now gone.

.......................I told him over text!!!!

So, I embrace my next date (whenever that might be) with an open mind - its exciting really, someone you have yet to meet could be your next dinner date, after all, there's a world of people out there to meet.

Now where did I put that singles classified ad......................?

January Bleugghhhhhhh..................

Girly Myspace Layouts


So, its the 3rd of January and I'm depressed!
No more Christmas parties, no more daytime drinking, no more long lie-ins (aka hangovers) and no more festive cheer!
I have to be honest though, I am kind of glad to see the back of 2006 - it wasn't my favourite year, in fact it was a bloody awful year!!!!

That takes me to why I've decided to write this blog, call it therapy - or a delayed need to write a diary (I stopped writing one as a kid after my younger sister picked the lock and found out about my crush on Gregory Hill and told everyone at school!).

So I write this first post full of hope for the year ahead. New beginnings and all that - how long it'll last is any ones guess - how long do New Years resolutions last? Not very long in my book let me tell you!!!!

So I leave behind a 2006 that was full of heartache, illness, stress, bereavement, you name it!!! The worst thing to happen, and the one that is going to take the longest to get through was the break up of what was an almost near perfect relationship for a while. I'll never know what happened but it truly sucked. It was October - its now January. How far on am I getting over him? Not very far!

The 'ex' was a breath of fresh air when we met, sweet, good looking, considerate, and very keen (if not a little over keen at first). I didn't want to get involved in a serious relationship but what can I say? I fell in love - and boy did I fall hard. We were the Golden Couple, the love sick teenagers (albeit 26 year old ones!), the perfect match. Sure we had our moments (doesn't everyone?), we were both mardy bums (the Arctic Monkeys even wrote a song about us!) and we argued about some stupid things, but our relationship was great and I felt very lucky. It wasn't long before we started talking about a future together and I was filled with excitement and hope.

Alas though, it didn't last. Things changed - he changed. Gone was the thoughtful, caring, romantic guy I fell in love with and in its place a selfish, uninspiring, no effort replacement. We both had stress outside the relationship but we let it tear us apart and in the end, the guy who had declared I was his 'one' decided that actually, I wasn't and even worse - he didn't have feelings for me anymore. Ouch! So I of course chased him, begged for him to take me back, made a total and utter arse of myself (and I won't even go into the drunken text messages - urgh, the shame!!!)

Never in my life did I think a break up would hurt so much but I guess there is always that one that totally and utterly breaks your heart - and he was that guy!
But its onwards and upwards from now on, I'm an attractive girl (so I'm told) with a lot to say for myself, a good job, a beautiful home and great friends and family. So I'm very lucky!

So join me on my journey - it might be a bumpy ride at times but I can guarantee a few laughs - drunken escapades, dodgy dates, my dedication to Hollyoaks, the list goes on and on.....

So I'll see you soon

Polly xxxx