The Rowdy Crew!

So this weekend me and the girls headed off down south for our friends engagement party. The sat nav was set, the car packed full and the Girls Aloud CD was playing.

Despite a car of 4 girls, we got to our friends house in one piece and without any dramas, in fact the most difficult part of the whole journey was working out how to unpack our bags from the car!!!

Since it was a weekend of merriment and celebration it seemed only natural to start drinking pretty much straight away. I'd been out the night before so I think I just topped myself up! Before long the alcohol started to take effect. We got louder, we got ruder and we got cheekier!

So the party was pretty tame when we arrived and everyone seemed sober (apart from us). We'd only been there for about 30 minutes when one of the girls took the chicken fillet from her bra and started passing it around the table, we thought it was hilarious but by the looks on the faces of the other guests around the table I got the impression they weren't so amused!!!!!

As the night progressed we got rowdier and rowdier - we took lots of pictures of our boobs and cleavages, we drew pictures all over the table cloth, we abused the DJ who was a chain smoking country and western fan who subjected us to songs like Cotton Eyed Joe all night. We took over his dance floor, badly at times - especially when one of the girls couldn't do the Macerena so put the YMCA moves to it instead! We laughed loudly, swore loudly and had a bloody brilliant night. We'd all looked so classy and fabulous when we arrived at the party but we were all going home looking a little dishevelled, and thanks to a food fight at the end of the night, a few of the girls went home with half the buffet down their cleavages and in their hair! We stole the balloon settings from the centres of the tables and then had to try and get in a taxi with them, we got to our friend's apartment and realised we didn't have a key so progressed to push every intercom button (must remember to tell my mate to apologise to her neighbours!). Of course you try to be quiet, you do the "SHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh" putting a finger to your lips like its going to help but you actually end up making more noise doing that than having a full on conversation! Oh how alcohol deludes us!

So all 9 or 10 of us make our way into the 2 bedroomed flat and on goes computer games. Eventually we all fell asleep curled up on the floor until 5am the next morning. Our mates younger cousin had been sick - like projectile and it was everywhere. The flat is brand new so obviously the mop, bucket and bleach were brought out for the clean up operation. We managed to fall back to sleep and left our friend to it but then shortly after I was woken by an almighty noise, what could it be - a nearby freight train? a digger starting work outside? an earthquake? NO - it was my mates snoring! You've never heard anything like it in your life - I ended up sleeping in the hall way by the front door and our abandoned shoes! She also managed to get her foot caught in her PJ bottoms and fell over revealing her bare arse to us all. Its a good job none of us embarrass easily!

We weren't quite so rowdy the following day - hangovers were all too present...........nothing that a couple of bacon sandwiches couldn't sort out though.

Maybe I'll detox for a day or two..............

Women Drivers!

So, you remember the new car I bought just a few weeks ago?

I bashed it at the weekend!!!

No one was hurt, no one else was involved - just me, the Venga Bus and a couple of bollards that got in my way!!!

I still don't know how I did it or - or how I was so stupid. I'd only nipped to the Co-op for a pint of milk - I wish I hadn't bothered. I reversed out of my spot, heard an almighty scraping noise and instantly got that sick feeling of dread in my stomach. I didn't want to look at first and I could see some old dear just pointing to the area I'd hit and I knew it wasn't good - I don't know if the woman was senile or just damn cruel but I wanted to knock her false teeth out when she started laughing. Maybe the sight of me stood swearing like a trucker and crying was a funny sight but I was devastated.

I got back in the car and steadily drove home. I parked it where no one could see the car and suddenly realised that all the novelty had gone - I didn't want the car anymore - it was trash to me now!!!

I went upstairs and did what any grown up woman would do...............I rang my mum for a good cry! Bless her, she was lovely - she's bashed a few cars (mostly my Dads)in her time - one particular memorable time being when she left the handbrake off my Dads car and it ended up rolling down the drive and into the garage. I was trying to watch Brookside at the time and it didn't half make a racket. There were plenty of tears too!!! The garage door handle left a really nice indentation in the back of my Dads Toyota!!!!

Anyway, once she'd calmed me down I went back outside to assess the damage - it wasn't quite as bad as I'd first thought. There was paint from the bollards all over the car which made it look worse but once I'd rubbed it down it didn't look so bad - well not if you squint and tilt your head to the left a bit.

But its just a car, she'll be back to new in no time once she's had a minor bit of work done (a bit of Botox for the car!).

In future I'll walk to the Co-op when I want a pint of milk though!!!!

Friday Thought

Girly Myspace Layouts

Valentines Day Blues

Does any single person like Valentines Day? Do many 'couples' actually like it for that matter?

Why do we have to have a specific day allocated to showing love for your other half? Surely if you're in a relationship you should tell the person your with how you feel every day? And if you fancy someone does it really take an anonymous pink and red card to get it started? How do we manage the rest of the year?

So we all established years ago that Valentines Day is a commercial money making scheme - and a very successful one at that. The florists, the restaurants, the card shops, the chocolate makers (the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker..) they all make a fortune from it.

But done badly or...god forbid...forgotten, and it could be curtains for some relationships. Many men just forget - or think its a waste of time and money. You can't blame them in some ways but every couple is bullied into doing something 'special'. Now when I'm in a relationship I love Valentines Day. Last year me and 'the ex' couldn't get into a restaurant so he cooked for me. It was actually far nicer to have a cosy meal and curl in front of the telly exchanging a few daft gifts (or Armani cuff links as I stupidly bought - god the money you waste!) and drinking wine (one of my favourite past times). I don't fancy sitting in a restaurant trying to outdo the couple next to you or watch people showing very public displays of affection.

So I move onto Valentines Day as a single gal. It sucked. Well, it wasn't that bad to be honest - I got a card delivered to work - a really nice one too but it wasn't the same. I drank Peach Bellini's and got quite drunk and consoled myself on the fact that I hadn't had to fork out more money on gifts I can't afford (god, Armani cuff links for Valentines Day Polly - what were you thinking? It must have been love!!!!)

So, next year I hope that they either cancel the day altogether - or alternatively I have a nice fella to spoil me!

So raise your glasses (of Peach Bellini's) to single life..............and the fact that Valentines Day is over for another year!

Wannabe Groupie!

I went to a concert last night - very rock n' roll for a school night I know but hey, you've got to live a little!

I love my music and I love the buzz of going to see live bands. Admittedly I don't generally get to 'see' much due to my 5'4 height status but if I stand on my tiptoes occasionally I catch sight of the microphone or the tall guy at the front jumping up and down.

There should be a height sequence at gigs - all shorties to the front and tallies to the back. Its the same as being at the cinema, you find yourself a good spot where you can see perfectly and then some 6'4 fella comes and stands in front of you. He's always the guy that dances around like a maniac too and sweats from the second the music starts. At least you can't eat popcorn in a concert.

The venue for this gig is a popular one for bands in Nottingham, I've been watching bands play there for about 11 or 12 years and in that time I don't think its been re-painted once. Its run down to say the least but then I guess your not looking at the decor when you've gone to watch your favourite band play. The walls are painted black and you stick to the floor the second you walk through the door - too many cans of Red Stripe lager spilt over the years!

To say how black the walls are though the people in there are colourful. There's every type of band 'geek' imaginable. The dreadlocks, the punks, the uber cool, the 'indie' boys with the same spiky haircuts and skinny jeans and then theres the 'concert virgins' who look like their about to go to dinner with their in laws!

You spend the night getting soaked in sweat and lager - yours and other peoples, you get pushed from pillar to post, you stretch every muscle in your body to see the stage and you always have one person stood next to you that sings along loudly so you can't hear the singer. But I love it - that second the band starts playing and you just lose yourself in the music, its like being on the dance floor and hearing your favourite ever tune only 100% better. Your in a room full of people who love the band too - a kind of mutual appreciation and when its all over and you've clapped and whooped (i must work on my whoop by the way - its a bit girly) until your hands and throat sting, you stumble into the daylight with ringing ears and a broad smile.

Not ever managed to blag a back stage pass as of yet but watch this space - and Miss Fish if your reading this - we need to meet at least one band before we turn 30!!!

I'll keep you posted!!!!

myspace!

"My name is Polly Tronic and I'm a myspace addict"

I joined a week ago, it was only meant to be a bit of fun, a way to keep in contact with friends that was more fun than normal emails, something to log onto on those cold winter afternoons when your bored, a way to check up on potential new boyfriends!!!!

It started with the odd one or two log ins per week, then it started to become a daily thing, now its out of control - I logged on 8 times yesterday...............Oh god, whats happening to me?!?!

For those of you unfamiliar with my myspace its a website that has become a massive phenomenon in the US and the UK. You create a site of your own and then add backgrounds, pictures of yourself, information about your likes and dislikes, etc... Its good fun and a great way to chat to people. Basically people email you and ask if they can be 'added' to your site - so basically they say 'please Polly, can I be your friend'. You then get to Approve or Deny them. I mean how fabulous!!!!

There are some gorgeous men on there too and within a week I've been asked out more times than I have in the past 6 months. Admittedly some of them are a bit weird - actually that's putting it mildly - there's the guys from the Far East that send messages like

"You nice, you be my friend. Yes?"

I fear there are a few men out there using myspace to find a wife - and a British passport!

I am hooked though, its so much fun. I worry what I'll do without a computer over the weekend, I may even have to join the Internet generation at home and get my computer Interneted up. But then I may never leave the house again. Oh god! I have all these new friends to keep in contact with.

Anyone know a good myspace therapist...............?

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Afternoon all!

Well apologies for not having posted anything for about a week - think I must have had writers block as the inspiration just hasn't been flowing for stories to tell you lovely people!

Anyway I'm back now and thou shalt never be away for as long in future!

So I went to see an old uni friend at the weekend, we hadn't seen each other in 4 years so to say we had some catching up to do was an understatement. We barely caught our breath for the first few hours swapping stories of what we'd been up to, then after a pitcher of cocktails it developed onto the 'do you remember when...' conversations. We reminisced for hours - the drunken tales, the people we remembered, the house we lived in, the time we got burgled and we made the gorgeous policemen they sent round check all our rooms before we'd go to bed!!! Any excuse to get a handsome man in your bedroom eh?!?

We were amazed at how little either of us had changed and how natural each others company felt again after such a long time. We went out into her local town in the evening and it was like being back at uni again - only less pints of snakebite and black! Gone were the inhibitions you develop as you get older, we danced like it was our first dance since leaving university and we didn't stop talking and laughing all night.

There's something special about the friends you stay in contact with from uni, a strange bond that follows you throughout life, maybe its because its the first time your away from home and the first time having to look after yourself, or maybe its because the time at uni is most probably one of the best time of your life (minus the study part) and they're the people you share the parties with, the nights out, the dissertation stress, the first broken heart, the list goes on.

Its strange how we grow up so quickly - both of us have homes of our own, nice cars and careers now, oh how I miss those lazy uni days though, nothing has ever beat it!

................my overdraft is still the same though!!!

The Blind Date

I had a date at the weekend.

What a disaster!!!!

We'd been set up by friends. I'd had a photo of him and he'd had one of me but I was a little sceptical that the picture of him was from the side - not face forward! Lets just say it must have been his 'best side'!!!!

We agreed to meet in a popular bar in Nottingham City Centre and after battling with the doormen because I didn't have any ID with me (I'm 27 for god sake!!!), I finally walked in and ordered a drink. He walked in a few minutes later and I have to say I'm not sure I hid the disappointment well. He wasn't my type at all and although he was a nice enough guy, I knew I didn't and couldn't fancy him.

I bumped into a few friends as we headed to find somewhere to sit and I looked at them longingly as if to say 'take me with you, let me come and have some girlie fun instead' but I chose to be mature and see the evening through.

BIG MISTAKE!

HUGE MISTAKE!

I got trollied - not just a little bit tipsy or merrily drunk - I was more drunk than I have potentially been in years!!!! Totally pie-eyed!

I'm sure I was OK for 90% of the date and we managed to have some decent conversations and even moved onto another bar but from there on is a bit of a blur - I don't remember getting a taxi and the rest of the evening was told by my lovely friend who kindly let me stay at hers - apparently I woke her neighbours by pressing on the intercom and she found me in a heap outside her front door incoherent. I then progressed to tell her that I didn't like my date and that I was drunk - no shit Sherlock!!!!! Then I passed out!

My mate said I must point out that he didn't check to make sure I'd got home OK either? Which goes to show, there are no gentlemen left!!!

I woke the next morning filled with shame and regret and with a very bad hangover....and resolved, of course to never drink again!!!

Needless to say I won't be seeing him again. And maybe I'll stay away from Notts for a few weeks too....just in case!

The quest for Mr Fabulous continues!!!!!

Traffic Wardens - aka Vultures!

I got a parking ticket today.

I'm not happy.

The worse thing was, it was whilst I was out on visits for work so a double blow.

I didn't even realise I'd not put a ticket on the car until I was heading back to it, I had that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and low and behold, as soon as I turned the corner and saw the Venga Bus, I could see that bright yellow ticket like a beacon!

How dare they touch my new car - its left sticky label all over the window and I'm £40 down.

I beg the question of what harm did I REALLY do - it was only parked there for 20 minutes and no one got hurt! I bet the warden was waiting nearby ready to pounce. What a delightful occupation.

Vultures.

Like the Horlicks advert asks........................... 'How do they sleep at night'?

Baby Day Out!

So, me and the girls took a trip to the land where they talk funny yesterday (Birmingham) in the Venga Bus - as the girls have re-named the new car!!!!

Our friend has recently had a baby boy so off we went for a day of cooing and brooding.

I don't mind admitting I am rubbish with babies - in my whole adult life I have held 2 babies for a total of about 10 seconds. The minute I even sit near them I swear they start crying - and not just a whimper, I mean full on wailing that could wake an entire neighbourhood.

So we'd been at my friends for well over an hour when I knew I couldn't put it off any longer - I was going to have to hold him. He'd been as good as gold all morning - gurgling happily and playing with his toys - well putting them in his mouth and dribbling on them actually but I think that's classed as playing when your 3 months old!

I reached out and my friend put him on my knee "Its OK you know, he won't break" So I tried to relax, I pulled faces and let him pull my hair but then his face started to redden, his bottom lip started to quiver and no matter who much I tried to appease him, the tears started and got louder and louder.

I was gutted, and really embarrassed too actually. I decided that babies really must be able to smell your fear!

The other girls coped fine - the only time he cried was when I went to sit next to them - the baby hates me. Its OK though, I have a good memory and I'll get him back when he's 18 - I'll be saving up stories for when he gets his first girlfriend!!!

But what respect for my friends as first time parents. They've taken to it wonderfully - they're total naturals and I was quite jealous of the little family unit they've created, so Congratulations to you both- not that they have time to read my blog, they've got a baby to look after!!!!

But my time will come - when they devise a way to grow the baby outside of the body.... in a greenhouse or test tube maybe?

Texters Thumb

Shipwrecked is returning to our tellies on Sunday - hip hip hoorah, Sunday mornings will once more have a purpose!

I'll warn you now though reader (s???), I feel some reminiscing coming on next week - I used to watch Shipwrecked with......with..... 'the ex'. There I said it! I'm pathetic!

It won't be the same! I fear my text tourettes might rear its ugly head once again - but no, I must for once exert some self control!!!!

I have wondered if I have some form of ailment - a kind of 'tennis elbow' but instead its 'texters thumb'. Its crazy, when I'm bored, fed up, happy or have drunk a bottle of Cherry Lambrini the thumb gets twitchy!!!! Now I thought it was all under control, myself and my lovely friend (who became single around the same time as me) have a bit of an arrangement - should the thumb start to hover over the 'message' section in our phones we text each other. In turn the other one will then tell us the reasons why we shouldn't etc and the moment passes. This week the system failed, my 'DON'T DO IT' reply didn't work so I think a Plan B must be devised now.

I have thought about connecting an electric shock device to the phone when a certain number is selected or maybe getting a plastic Fisher Price phone I could 'pretend text' from but I don't think either will work.

So any ideas please let me know. For the sake of me, my friend, all single people with a text problem and our phone bills.............we need your help!

Grown Up Rubbish

So I'm looking at changing my mortgage. I've been paying one for 5 years but still I pretend it doesn't exist, that my beautiful home really comes for free and every penny of my wages goes on me, me, me!!!

Oh if only it did!

So it got me thinking, and a bit annoyed too if I'm honest. I'm a very capable person and have always been very independent when it comes to looking after myself and providing for myself. But you know what? I'm sick of it!!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to meet a man who I can live off and be a lady of leisure for (although I'd like to give it a try for a few days!), I just want someone else to share the burden and responsibility with.

I love the fact that everything I own I have bought for myself, if I see something I want I save and buy it or do without but never have I asked anyone to put their hand in their pocket for me (mum/ dad - the occasional tenner doesn't count!!!). The only thing is, as much as I always pay my share, its the decision making, the sharing and the responsibility that I would like to half. I'm sick of only having myself to look after and think about.

Its weird, I speak to my 'couple' friends and they moan about their other halves constantly - will any of us be happy or is the grass always greener?!?

So back to the point - the mortgage, I made the decision to meet with an independent mortgage advisor to ask for his advice. He was a lovely man - very enthusiastic about his job bless him, but seemed to be the guy to advise me. He asked me questions for about an hour, I think the only thing he didn't ask was my bra size and inside leg measurement, it was exhausting!

Then came the science part.........fixed, variable, tracker, discount, blah, blah, blah...... I thought I was pretty up to date and in the know about all that sort of thing - it would seem I was wrong, it was like someone had replaced my brain with cotton wool and I couldn't absorb any information. He packed me off with an armful of info, some bedtime reading, and told me he'd be in touch.

I got in my car and felt fed up - I want a man to help me make this decision, then if its the wrong choice I can blame him and say 'I'd have gone with the other option'!!!! But there's only me to make the choices at Casa Polly so I'll be putting my chick lit away this weekend and concentrating on 'Operation New Mortgage'!!!!

Wish me luck.....I think I'll need it!

The Great British Weather

I apologise to write about the weather - I know us Brits get bored to tears and fed up talking about it but OH MY GOD....... whats happening?

I came out of work yesterday with the usual spring in my step ready to get home to watch my beloved Hollyoaks but something seemed wrong around the city centre. There were lots of people looking bemused and lost and there wasn't the sound of a tram horn anywhere.

So I stood waiting for the tram, 5 minutes....10 minutes.....15 minutes....you get the impression.....nothing. The voice over the tanoy announces that all trams around the city had been cancelled due to falling trees and to make alternative routes home.

Dammit

So I started my trek to the park and ride, and let me tell you its a long walk in gail force winds!!!

I looked ridiculous, it was that strong wind that forces you to walk with your body almost doubled over, bum in the air, hair all over the face. I was being blown all over and my poor feet were in bits.

The walk to my car was all up hill with a tiny little down hill section towards the end. By the time I got to that bit though my legs were so weary, I kind of tripped and stumbled the rest of the way back like I'd lost all control of my own body.

I got in my car and looked in the mirror - I had mascara and eyeliner down my face, my hair was slapped to my cheeks and I won't even start on my ruined shoes and clothes. My umbrella was in shreds (bloody thing was about as much use as a chocolate fire guard). I made the drive home in a sulk cursing about living in Britain and thinking about how many months left until we'll see some sun (whatever that is).

Once I get home I put the kettle on and get into my Pj's and look at my phone, Ooh, I've got a text from my Dad

"Hi pet, hope all is well, weather here in Spain is lovely and warm, sat outside the bar having a beer, lv dad xxx"

I HATE HIM!!!!!!!

The Phone Generation

My parents have gone on holiday.

They do this a lot - they have a little villa in Spain that they paid for with the money they'd saved in case either myself or my sister got married - that's confidence for you! If I ever need a shot gun wedding they'll be sorry!

Whilst they're out there we tend to communicate via the world of text messaging. I don't know about anyone else but I find getting a text off my parents very unnerving - especially when its in short text! Our parents brought us up to 'speak nicely' and if I was ever caught talking slang I'd be sent to bed without my Twinkle magazine and my Disco crisps and glass of milk (you remember the days sis - arguing over the last packet of Discos and then licking the salt off them till they went soggy!!!) so when you get a text from your mum that's in short text its all wrong.

How r u? Arr ok sun luvly call u l8r

M&D xx

Watch your grammar mum else I'll send you to bed without your Prima magazine and Martini!

And don't get me started on my Dad. He shouts down the phone just to make sure you can hear him (and everyone else sat within a 500 yard radius can too).

They tend to get mine and my sisters old phones and as they get smaller and smaller over the years, the looks of panic on their faces increases.

"But Dad its got a camera, video and MP3 player in it"

"What the bleedin hell is an MP3..............and why do they have to make the flaming buttons so small"

Parents.... u got 2 luv em!!!!

Detox or Retox?

So January is in full swing and god, what a depressing month!

Everyone is miserable because they've either
a) Quit smoking
b) Given up the drink to go on detox
c) Started a diet
d) Got no money
e) Dumped boyfriend/girlfriend coz they bought you a sh*t present for Christmas
f) Fallen out with the family over a heated game of Pictionary on New Years Day and not yet made up

Or all of the above.

Plus the weather is crap - and no one looks their best wrapped in 4 layers with chapped lips and a bunged up nose!

Now January telly is usually quite good and alleviates the boredom but even that's not hitting the spot this year - I can just about tolerate Big Brother but the Celebrity version is just cringe worthy. I have no idea who half of them are! The soaps are full of doom and gloom too and on every ad break there's another 'so-called' celebrity prancing around in a leotard promoting their fitness DVDs. Its enough to make me hide under my duvet for the whole 31 days!

So I get to New Years Resolutions. How many of them have you broken already?
I'm proud to say I've stuck to mine - as long as you don't count the resolution of 'I'm never texting 'the ex' ever ever again' - I broke that one last night but before you all shout at me through the power of your computers, it was only to tell him about my new car - I'd literally run out of people to tell! And I'm only human after all and I do miss him - But as people tell me, that along with the pining, will pass!!!!!

But back to resolutions. My colleague at work has decided to fully detox - no more caffeine, he's quit the fags, he's been bringing healthy sandwiches to work (I haven't the heart to tell him detox means no bread so we'll let that one slide!) and he's not touching alcohol until the month is over. Now all I can say is good on him - I have neither the willpower or the inclination. To be honest I'm one of the only people I know that actually drunk LESS than I normally do over Christmas. Saying that though I did go to a lot of Christmas parties and experienced some of the worst hangovers I've ever had (that no amount of bacon sandwiches could fix) so maybe that put me off this year.

So this weekend I plan to go out and partake in a few alcoholic beverages, maybe have a kebab on the way home and do absolutely no exercise at all since I figured everyone will be back to their usual bad habits in a few weeks anyway!

So raise your glasses and join me.....for Retox!