Now I don't chase drama but I think when you're single it just hunts you down and puts its feet up in your life until a more 'settled' time comes along! Sometimes I can sit and laugh about it, other times I can't help but hold a little self pity party for myself and wonder when it'll all end - not just for me but for my friends too - who incidentally need a medal for some of the things they've supported me through recently.
I have a good life, I know that - I have a great job, a lovely home, a cool car and the best friends a girl can be lucky enough to have. I have a brilliant relationship with my parents, a sister who is my best friend and my social life is always packed but I do seem to be dealt some punches at times and my trust in human nature gets tested more than I'd like!
I'm sure when myself and my girls are sat in our Spanish holiday resort in years to come, sunning our botox smooth complexions despite being past pension age and watching the young hotties walk by whilst the hubbies are out playing golf/on the yacht/earning money that we can spend (delete as appropriate) we'll be laughing about the times we often found so hard. "It was all part of growing up" we'll say. "All part of life's rich tapestry, a learning curve" we'll scoff before ordering a cocktail we're too old to drink and wolf whistling at the waiter!
Being single is great fun, you have no agenda, no one else to think about and you can plan whatever you like, when you like. BUT and it can be a big but, it can be lonely too. There's always a past relationship you're bruised from and usually someone who appears in your thoughts more than you'd like. You wonder where the 'good men' are and sometimes question whether they actually exist at all - I'm still skeptical!
Anyone who has ever read my blog before will know, most of the time I write about dates - or more specifically, bad dates! I hate dates anyway, I turn them down on a regular basis and when I do agree to them I'm usually either drunk or put on the spot and can't engage my brain quick enough to come up with a witty answer that equates to 'thanks but no thanks'!
I don't know where my issue lies. I get very panicky hours before and talk myself out of going at least 100 times before I go. I have tried every excuse in the past not to go and am known to let people down at the last hour - my fish just died (I don't have fish), I've double booked (my diary is always with me so practically impossible), I have nothing to wear (I'm female so again, impossible), I'm ill (OK that one does work but I must be the sickest person in the midlands!). In a nutshell I hate dates, in 10 years I have probably looked forward to maybe four - and I've been on A LOT of dates!
Usually I tell myself I won't like the poor guy so invariably I don't. I've become very good at pretending to have a good time and finding their stories about their camping holidays when they were 12 riveting. I grin and bite my tongue (hard) when they touch my knee or pretend to sweep away a piece of hair that I know isn't there. I resist the temptation to reach my arms in front of me and shout "IF YOUR THIS CLOSE...YOUR TOO CLOSE"!!! And then when I leave I find myself saying the dreaded three words................"I'll call you". I'll never learn!
Aside from my own date disasters there's the tales from my friends - he was too keen, he wasn't keen enough, he had bad shoes or ordered a strawberry cocktail instead of a beer! I sometimes wonder if these poor men can ever win. But I like to think that me and my friends are simply looking for something right - not 'right for now'. We don't treat anyone badly, we always act ourselves and we're ladies that, hopefully, men would be proud to take home to their mums?!
So, still I'm single, still I'm hopeful, still I'm hung up over someone I can't have and still I'm turning down men I can. But still life seems bright - and still - there's always red wine and a giggle with the loves of my lives - STILL my friends!
